World of Warcraft®

Hiya CC community!

For those that have read my story Birth for a Gorgon, I'd like to get a reaction, a review, a critique, whatever you feel is appropriate. :) Positive or negative, I'd like it to be constructive; but really any reaction is helpful... I suppose :P

So feel free to tell me what you think!

Thank you in advance :)

-Cail

http://us.battle.net/wow/en/forum/topic/12471427450

[Edit: Forgot to mention that the story is complete. Nothing more will be added. There is more story to be told but those will be in separate threads. You're also welcome to comment at the end of it if you'd like. Or here. It's all good :) ]

Hi Cail,

I think I've told you before, but I've really enjoyed that story. I had a bit of a hard time piecing the two halves together as I read it (the night elf half vs. the human warrior in the orc cave) but I think that was intended. By the end of it, I felt like I knew a little about the main character and saw some growth from the character so that was well done. I'll dig back into it later and try to find some nits to pick. Overall, I found myself caring about what happened and wanting to see the conclusion. In my eyes, that is the mark of a good story.

Zeph

06/17/2014 09:35 AMPosted by Zephilyn

Hi Cail,

I think I've told you before, but I've really enjoyed that story. I had a bit of a hard time piecing the two halves together as I read it (the night elf half vs. the human warrior in the orc cave) but I think that was intended. By the end of it, I felt like I knew a little about the main character and saw some growth from the character so that was well done. I'll dig back into it later and try to find some nits to pick. Overall, I found myself caring about what happened and wanting to see the conclusion. In my eyes, that is the mark of a good story.

Zeph

Aww, why thank you Zeph :) That's very kind for you to say and helpful.

I do remember your comment, made a while ago in the Seat of Knowledge forum I think. The story is all wrapped up now. I look forward to your nit picks and what you think of the ending.

I enjoyed the ending quite a bit. Overall the description was sufficient for me to form an image in my mind of what was going on and I didn't feel like I had to revise the image much as I read, so I found that effective. I didn't find anything awkward about the wording or that I had to re-read to see what you were getting at.

A couple of points I kind of questioned -
- I didn't see any point where the warlock cast a spell during the fight sequence. It struck me as odd. I'd think that the first impulse of any warlock worth his salt would be to send a bolt of fel fire and roast the pesky pink human to a crisp. Maybe he was so enraged he wasn't really thinking but I didn't get that feeling.
-The protodrake at the end, I kind of needed a reminder that he was skin and bone. I think it could have been a little more powerful if you'd tossed that in somewhere. Here's this poor little thing standing in between Veronica and the Night Elf, tired and small but it's not going to let anybody hurt its person. I dunno, might be overdoing it. Twist it around in your head some.

A little critique. And soon, I will threaten you with another story of my own, so you'll have ample opportunity to throw rotten tomatoes right back at me :)

06/17/2014 12:36 PMPosted by Zephilyn

- I didn't see any point where the warlock cast a spell during the fight sequence. It struck me as odd. I'd think that the first impulse of any warlock worth his salt would be to send a bolt of fel fire and roast the pesky pink human to a crisp. Maybe he was so enraged he wasn't really thinking but I didn't get that feeling.

I do agree with you on that. It does seem odd that he doesn't pitch some fel flame around the room. I'll be honest and say that my first impulse was to step away from that, at least with this Orc. I also wanted to try and impart a sense of urgency, as if he didn't have time to conjure and cast.

I'll go back and look over that section again. Perhaps there is a better way to express that urgency. She surprises him, and knowing that 1) she's there to kill him and 2) that she even made it that far infuriates him to blind Orc rage. He also doesn't see her as a huge threat in the moment, so I would think any Orc warlock or not would rather rip and tear their opponent apart if given the chance. However that might be a poor assumption on my part, since not every orc is large and rippling with muscle I suppose.

That's not a defense mind you, just an explanation of where my head is at. :) At any rate, thank you for point that out! I'll mull that part over and see what can be improved. :D

06/17/2014 12:36 PMPosted by Zephilyn

-The protodrake at the end, I kind of needed a reminder that he was skin and bone. I think it could have been a little more powerful if you'd tossed that in somewhere. Here's this poor little thing standing in between Veronica and the Night Elf, tired and small but it's not going to let anybody hurt its person. I dunno, might be overdoing it. Twist it around in your head some.

Not overdoing it at all :) That was what I went for, but in my haste of edits and posting I overlooked fortifying that fact. Indeed, I did want him to give that pathetic heart-string-pulling appearance while showing some intelligence. I even neglected to mention the whelp in the end campfire scene.

Thank you again for pointing that out. I'll track back soon and fix that portion. Sloppy editing :P

Re: The Warlock- I got a little sense of what you said, but kind of dismissed it in my head. So, maybe a little more explicit (no not THAT kind of explicit) description of exactly how angry the warlock was and how insignificant he viewed the human would shed some light on it. Or, alternately, maybe the warlock had already expended a bunch of magical energy doing something else and so didn't feel like wasting more effort on an insignificant human. Just food for thought. [Edited to add] I mean, why be a warlock if you're not going to pitch flame and curses and demonic energy? Or maybe he flew into a demonic rage and just wanted to beat something to a pulp.

And yes, editing is a $#@. I'm still finding awkward passages and spelling errors in my story too, heh!