((Written by Tenwit and posted for him.))
The goblin mind was mapped by the gnome Lucierro a half century ago, indeed, and Lucierro was a creditable anatomical theorist, we owe him a good deal--but his work, like so many others of our field, was ruined by assumptions. This day we go further, this day we take sounding of the mnemomic abyss of our subject, we negotiate his keen deceptive faculty by simply disabling his ability to deceive! Allow me to elucidate . . .
. . . Beyond the regions of sensorium, there is little in common between the goblin brain and any other race. I have confirmed with my predecessors that the somatosensory facility is unremarkable, temporal activity is wanting, occipital ability is commonplace; however, two regions, erroneously mapped by Lucierro and others, give our subject a singularity. The goblin possesses no facility for emotional memory. The apparatus beneath the temporal lobe, falsely assigned to an emotion bank by my predecessors, is actually the distinction of the race; it is a black organ situated at the base of the brain, but only attached to the medulla. If viewed laterally, it is remarkably shaped like a woman’s shoe--a woman of fashion I should add, as the medulla, when attached, forms a magnificent stiletto heel. I have called this I’lea’s Slipper.”
Here, Saldor winked at one of the elves in the back, to which I’lea herself replied with a kiss in the air.
“The slipper is markedly dark, nearly black, as it is bathed in dark humors. This magnificent apparatus is the source of the goblins prodigious arithmetical powers, and in turn, his divisive acuity. From this organ is born all manner of sordid behavior; from impish acts to legendary malice. Understand this creature does not hate, as it does not love, as it does not care; indifferent as the wind to the suffering it causes, its purpose is one of monomaniacal self-gain, it measures such gain in the fleeting excitations of pecuniary fortune and lascivious habits.
There is commonly found in the record of malicious creatures, a quality of redemption. The blood elf, in form, lovely--but a she-devil who sows both heartbreak and ecstasy alike, but who of sensibility can not appreciate the latter? It should be considered before we malign this creature that it must also endure the gender-ambiguity of its counter-sex, the utter absence of masculinity. The revenant: unsightly, malodorous, piteous, can demonstrate a certain charm in its brain-ruined madness, and we delight in its perversity of character. I recently observed, with great pleasure, an undead by the name of Abominus acquit himself admirably in a social gathering among the gentler races, going as far as to dance a creditable jig, in better measure than most living men. The orc, you will know to be a favorite subject of mine, is the exemplary somatotonial construct; it can demonstrate acumen in battle, a prodigious physical strength, and even a laudable paternal sentiment.
. . . prolixity ensued. I should like very much to convey even an abridgement of the gnome’s treatise on the goblin mind and other racial observances, but I fear, by the end of it, we would all desire to trade places with the goblin in question; so it is, the gnome spoke at length, his wit may be justly called into question, but certainly not his erudition. By the coming, some hours later, of his meandering summary remarks, only Mr. Lamb’s patience held, his pen working ceaselessly as the gnome spoke. I have little doubt, for those unsatisfied, that a review of the narrative could be found in a forthcoming issue of the Journal Esoterica. Nevertheless, it was welcome to all when the great voice of Marico sounded, “Secundium is served!”
The scullery help ushered everyone in a line by the expressionless goblin, and to the banquet table, where trenchers and a great cauldron of broadbean and bacon soup awaited; its agreeable odor causing more than a few stomachs to lament the tardy victual.
