World of Warcraft®

*As you browse the latest edition of "The Azerothian Times" (Azeroth's leading and one of the -only- papers in the world), you skip past the headline ("Crazed Black Dragon DeathWing terrorizes all of the world!...Still!"), the ads for armor polish ("Wizzlewhacks Workers Wax, Puts In the Shine Every Time! Sale on five gallon buckets! Try our all new "Goblineese" Wax, for that Newly Exploded Fragrance!") and the Arts and Entertainment column ("Gnomes still fun to punt, 8 out of 10 people say!"), you see a new column, stuffed in the back and taking up a tiny piece of the paper. Surrounded by hearts and cherabum goblins holding bows and arrows, bold letters proclaim the title "AZEROTHIAN SINGLES LOOKING FOR LOVE!".
Perplexed but still slightly interested, you scroll down the list of names and information given, wondering who on earth would put anything in this, much less read it (like you are doing)...*

WANTED: Good Draenei man who can put up and take a beating!
Single Draenei female Vindicator looking for large, male Draenei (does not have to be Vindicator but will not say no! <3) with large, solid hooves, a booming voice and a sweet nature. Extra face tentacles that are not sensitive to being pulled a plus!
Feel free to drop me a line or letter to Sàcha <3 or if you do not have time, look for me in the Dwarven District pub, Stormwind!
Beware small sabertooth cub that is always with me. Will bite ankles!

((Meant to be more of a lawl post, this is where you can post any single characters looking for romantic contact in the world (and only on the Sisters of Elune server, obviously). Horde and Alliance welcome!))

((Jumping in this for teh sake of funny and Lulz)).

WANTED: Good Draenei woman who doesn't mind being "commanded".
Single Hunky Chunky Draenei Male with barrel chests looking for female draenei with petite, shapely hooves, charming personality, and caring nature. Voluptous body a bonus. ((<_<)).

Must be a good cook and doesn't mind the male's pet peeve in terms of disliking anything to drink but apple juice.

P.S. I do not bite, I fondle. Godly.

Lol I enjoyed reading this, good luck guys.

<Grabs the paper up from the nearest bar and starts reading>

Oh for Hellscreams sake... What is THIS?

<Starts falling out off her stool laughing as she reads the ads.>

This must be goblin's idea! No Orc could ever come up with such a bizarre idea!

*burried toward the end of the singles, you find this*

Wanted: somethin' t'drink! Preferably rum. In fact, just rum.

Yeah, I know this thing be for findin' love or some such nonsense. Can't a lass be in love with th'drink that makes life worth livin'? Alright, I ain't literally in love with th'stuff, but if ye be someone who happens to own or have access t'large (unlimited would be best) quantities of th'stuff an' are lookin' to sweep one o' us "exotic" Draenei off their hooves...then Cap'n Mydna be yer lass!

I ain' picky, ye can be any race, gender or affiliation (minus them Bloodsail dogs) so long as ye come with rum an' ain't too horrible face-wise. Fel, the face thing is negotiable, but the rum is NOT; no rum, no deal. Send a letter my-ways if yer up for it, but be warned: I ain' no limp-wrist Lord's daughter an' I will keelhaul ye faster'n ye can say "ahoy" if'n ye try anythin' stupid. [Editor's Note: there were several more colorful threats following this, removed for the sake of word-count.]

An' just t'recap, NO BLOODSAILS, BRING RUM, FACE MUST NOT CAUSE YOUNGLIN'S T'CRY UPON VIEWIN'!

*Raven paused, her cup of tea midway to her mouth as she stared at the 'singles ad' in the Times*

Bloody 'ell...it's just easier t' walk up and give em a good sniff in the rear and get it over n' done with.

*she shrugged*

Ah like the idea of some rum, though.

*Twilly flips mildly through the paper, looking at the section for bounties but paused at the personals. A brow raised above her green goggles. She leans over and shows her bear companion the paper*

"Oi, Artaius, you won't believe what them Draenei are after. Strange lot they is."

*Crumples up the paper and uses it to start the campfire.*

<He downed his shot, looking to the counter of the Inn in Murder Row he flips the paper absently while he waits around for his contact he laughs>

What kind of~

<He finds himself unable to speak, and is startled as his contact arrives. < He quickly crumbles the paper tossing it over his shoulder, and lifts his hood over his face departing with a new job.>

Atanas: "Are you alright, Miss?"

*Concerned, Atanas reaches out one hand to Mamo, who has just broken the stony silence of the alcove by falling off her chair in an eruption of volcanic mirth*

Mamo: " *snort* 'Ere lad, read this. In the Times no less! Ye hev te see it te believe, what we are coming to in these times. *snerk* *BAHAHAHAAHA!*"

Atanas quirks an eyebrow and accepts the paper proferred. "What... This piece about love?" His brow furrows, puzzled. "I don't see - "

"In the PAPERS!" Mamo bursts in. "Turn the world upside down an' shake it, an' wot do these sots do? They use tha' wri''en word te make some more kids!"

"Well, kids will be kids after all." Atanas turns the page.

"Bloody Fel, old man! Ye need a tech of this mead te set yer head back on straight." Mamo offers a flask of suspicious liquid.

"You know I do not drink, Miss."

"You know I know you do."

"What is meant by the expression 'punting Gnomes'? This says that it is a popular sport. Do you play it?" Atanas pointedly ignores both the personals and the proferred flask.

WHISKEY GIRL SEEKS FUN TIMES

Nubile, feral Elf will bring out your Wild Side! No Draenei, Dwarves or Humans need apply. Must like fire. Bring your own sparkles. Retractable claws a plus. No tentacles please. Can provide large shillelagh suitable for moonlit shenanigans. Leave respones in hands of barmaid at Stonefire In inn Ironforeg. Singed,

((The advertisement is signed with a large feline clawprint))

I'm a Tauren, babes. You know -exactly- why you want that.

(( Yes. Yes you do. ))

Flin had been wondering around Orgrimmar, looking for his sister Mai'ryx. As lunch hour neared he stepped into the inn and placed his order before picking up a magazine as he waited for his meal.

First a grin grew at some of the pictures of the females then reaching the adds a brow raised and snickered. Tossing a quick look about the inn to make sure his sought sister was nowhere to be found he hunkered over to the bar borrowing the keep's quil and ink and pulled a piece of parchment from his bag.

Hearing Mai bicker about this thing the Elves and other races called "Love", he decided he would give her a little push to explore the concept. Scrawling out an add for her and running off to deliver it to the magazine publishers.

<Troll female seeking to find and learn of new possibilities. Follows a rustic path, but remains well groomed. Enjoys the outdoors and time at the beach. She's very good with her hands and paws if you like to count those too. Shapely curves and more than capable of holding her own.>

Thinking a moment Flin doesnt want just anyone coming for his sister, while it would be funny he remembers there might be a chance this silly add will back fire and actually work.. and so he continues throwing out qualities he believes fitting.

<Looking for tall, independent Male, preferably another island troll with earthly interests, and values the Loa. Strong tusks to pass on to future bloodlines. And one absolute must.. MUST LIKE CATS! To contact leave a message for Mai'ryx with Gravy at the Wyvern's Tale in Orgrimmar.>

Flin nods to himself passing the note to the woman at the desk "'ere ya go, Miss. Ma sista wanted ma ta drop et off en tima fua da next issue, ya." It didn't resemble anything Mai would have written, but no one would know...would they?

Nozz gave a critical look at the goblin girl behind “The Azerothian Times” booth. By the Shadow, she couldn’t stand their kind (then again, one would be hard pressed to think of any race Nozz could tolerate). Unfortunately, as far as she knew, this goblin was the only TAT representative within reasonable distance.

“So, just to be clear here … your ra- er, paper will print anything I want in this ludicrous column, so long as it’s within the boundaries of your … what did you call it? ‘Terms of Service’?”

The goblin nodded, equally as put off by the gnome’s presence. “’s what I said, sugar.”

Nozz held her tongue and slowly counted to five. Forcing a smile, she pushed a small piece of parchment across the counter along with a handful of coin, careful not to touch the goblin’s hand. It was exchanged for a receipt.

In the next run of The Azerothian Times' love column was a small blocked off section of print which simply read, with no indication of the author:*

YOU ALL SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES.






((*IC opinion does not necessarily reflect the OOC thoughts of the player. I’ve liked reading these ;-) ))

The day's catch had been good; two good-sized fish to take home. She was disassembling a days-old copy of "The Azerothian Times" and laying out the sheets on the dock, preparing to wrap her prizes in newsprint, when the small section surrounded by hearts caught her eye.

She blinked in confusion as she straightened the paper to take a look at it more closely. "But ... February was months ago. Is this some kinda joke or somethin'?" she murmured to herself. She skimmed the section, her face reddening in embarrassment as she realized what she was reading.

"Light. This sorta stuff ain't even fit for wrappin' fish." Wrinkling her nose, she carefully removed the section and set it aside, placing it with the glossy ads for exotic goblin resorts and around-the-world zeppelin tours. She selected another section of the paper, this time refusing to read any of the words printed on it as she proceeded with her task. She was reasonably sure that there were some things she would rather not know about.