World of Warcraft®

"HOLY TROLL BALLS!" Khromie ripped the flier from the Cathedral's main notice board. "A pen-pal program?"

Khromie took the flier to her room and booted up her BoozeBook Bro, a gnomish personal computing device powered by beer. She typed in the advertised address and scrolled through a directory of possible pen-pals. There were so many candidates and they had all taken the time to put up their photos and a thoughtfully written profile.

Clearly, the best option was to pick the pen-pal with the AWESOMEST name.

"OOOOOOH!!! Godzilla Flipperfloppit! I choose you!!"

Khromie snapped her BoozeBook shut and ran to the Cathedral's giftshop. Finding all the postcards inadequate, she decided to make her own. She began with a photo from her personal collection, a close-up of Sir Oarwind's glorious butt; the photo hadn't been all that hard to obtain, considering her natural vantage. She bedazzled the border and added a tasteful, glittery butterfly sticker to Sir Oarwind's left buttock.

"PERFECTION!!! Now! For the pen-palling!" Khromie brandished her 24-pack of CrayCrayOlas and began writing.

To:
Godzilla Flipperfloppit
The Royal Library
Silvermoon

From:
<3 Khromie Overspark <3
Cathedral of the Light
Stormwind

Dear Godzilla!

Hi!!! Salt Your Taters!! I'm your new pen-pal, Khromie!!! Khromie Overspark!!! Even though you're a Hordie, you've probably heard of me, 'cause I'm the greatest tailor EVER of ALL TIME! I'm also a junior medic, and, though I'm not one to brag, I definitely scored the HIGHEST on my Levitate exam! Oh, yeah, I'm also a Shamalamabambam and Self-Appointed President of The Adventure Fun Club!!!

What's your favorite kind of booze? Mine is the free kind that my friends buy for me! I also really really like Inner Fire Juice! Do you like cake? Also, what's it like being a dinosaur?

XOXOXO
Khromie

Gezelda squeals runs back to her room after getting her first postcard from her new penpal! She launched herself onto her bed and looked over the awesome postcard! Wow! The glitter and edges looked awesome! And it was Sir Oarwinds butt! This...Khromie gal was awesome! She read the message with delight. When she was finished she grabbed one of the post cards that she bought from the post masters office and started on making hers.

To:
<3 Khromie Overspark <3
Cathedral of the Light
Stormwind

From
Gezelda Fizzlesprocket
The Royal Library
Silvermoon

Deary Khromie! You have a cool name! Just like that other Gnome who thinks she's a dragon (but I know better) Anyway, I work at the royal library! I'm the head chef, so if you want a cool recipe, let me know! I'm a Warlock so I basically talk with demons and make deal with em. I usually just hang with them! What can I say? I'm a people person!

My favourite booze is probably rum, cause it's all tropical and stuff! It mixed well with fruits...but I guess free is also great!

Can't wait to hear about all your cool adventures. Oh, and that Garrosh guy? Not as great as people say, he's kind of a jerk. Just sayin!

XOXOXOXO
Gezelda

((At first I was horrified...

...then I laughed.

...then I went back to being horrified again.))

Khromie read and re-read her new Hordie BFF's postcard, then flipped it over to admire the scenery of Silvermoon again.

"Huh! So that's what Goldshire looks like!"

The tiny priestess tacked the postcard onto her wall, a blip amidst the sprawl of photos and memorabilia.

"Now, how do I top a postcard of Sir Oarwind's butt?"

Khromie bit her bottom lip and squinted in concentration.

"Ah-hah! The solution is simple!"

Khromie flung her arms up and hugged the air repeatedly. It was her own ritual of thanking the Light for another brilliant idea.

"The only way to top Sir Oarwind's butt is ... More butts!"

With a flurry of scissors and glue, Khromie set off to make a collage of her favorite photos of Sir Oarwind's butts (so, ALL the butts).

To:
Gassy Elder Fizzlesplotch
The Royal Library
Silvermoon

From:
<3 Khromie Overspark <3
Cathedral of the Light
Stormwind

Dear Gassy Elder,

Wow! That is SO fab that you're a chef! I'm a chef, too! I'm also a professional food detective! I love to help my friends by investigating the foods they eat! What's your favorite dish? Do you have a recipe for ponies? I am also partial to cupcakes! Have you ever tasted the Mayo of Orgleborglemar? My friend Sprinkles has!

I'm sorry to hear your friend Gary's being a jerk! You should totes buy him TONS of booze and when he passes out, just COVER him in glitter so that he wakes up the next morning feeling SUPER FABULOUS!

XOXOXO
Khromie

Gezelda was sitting in the libraries kitchens when the mail came. She sorted through it excitedly, until she found the postcard she'd been waiting for! Butts! So many! And all Oarwind's she could tell!

"This Khromie gals got class! Why are we fighting these people!?"

She gasped aloud, making sure to set the postcard someplace nice after she read it. Gezelda mused about what she'd write as she walked over to a leather bag stuffed with post cards. She bought all of them on her last visit to the post masters, she knew she'd need them all for this program! She sorted through them until she found the perfect one. A photo of a luxurious room, adorned with all kinds of Blood elf furnishings and crystals and such. Fastice told her it was some Warlock training ground, but Gezelda knew better. It was a sex dungeon. She scribbled in red marker 'wish you were here, haha!' on the bottom of the picture, then flipped it over and began composing her letter.

To:
Khromie Overspark
Cathedral of the Light
Stormwind

From:
Gizelda Fizzlesprocket
The Royal Library
Silvermoon

Dear Khromie Overspark,

Tee hee, your nicknames are SO cute! I really love them! Most of my friends are a bit too serious for nicknames, so it's fun to have a friend that likes them! Anyway, I checked my Gran-Gran's recipe book, and oddly enough, there weren't any recipes for pony! But I did find a really nice one for sugar blasted cupcake bombs! I'll attach it to this card so you can have fun making it! No, I can't say I've tried that Mayo, did your friend say how good it is? I'd like to try it sometime!

Things are going pretty well in the library, this Sunday we're doing a scavenge hunt! It should be super cool! I'm a hint giver! Aside from that, not much is going on. Things are just putting along as usual! Can't wait to hear from you!