((WARNING: Contains truly excessive amounts of fourth wall breaking, shenanigans, and deus ex machina. Read at your own risk… no offense is meant toward anyone mentioned/hinted at in the story. Oh, and I hope you like it!))
Ephrius sits alone at a table, sipping a drink in the otherwise-empty bar known as the Blue Recluse. About ten minutes pass, but no one else enters the bar.
Seeing that the Blue Recluse would likely not provide anyone to speak with, he closes his eyes and concentrates, gathering the power necessary to break through the Fourth Wall that separates Azeroth from Earth - the dreaded Real Life. Ephrius finally speaks, and his words are strange enough that the barkeep wonders what the Fel is wrong with this poor Worgen.
“Hey, Player, mind checking how many of my friends are available?” A chat box appears in the lower-left corner of Ephrius’ vision. It stays empty for a moment before a line of text appears:
Ephrius grins. “Perfect, thanks.” He pulls himself out of his chair and begins walking toward the exit. No sound but that of the wood floor creaking. He turns and waves at the barkeep, who simply nods, still confused by Ephrius’ nonsensical words. Ephrius begins using the teleportation function of his Hearthstone.
Trails of green light flow from his hands, which he waves about in large circular motions for whatever reason. As the spellcasting nears its end, he braces himself for the respective disorientation and boredom of long-distance teleportation… and loading screens. He eventually opens his eyes, finding himself in the Golden Lantern inn of the Shrine of Seven Stars.
Ephrius takes a step back, and finds a heavily-armored human warrior standing exactly where Ephrius was a second ago. He ignores the lack of collision physics and walks outside to the Summer Terrace. In the distance, the massive pillar of Sha energy in front of the Seat of Knowledge could still be seen. A chilling reminder of what can happen when one—
Ephrius completely ignores it and walks up the short series of steps to the second level of the Summer Terrace. He walks past the constantly-blooming, slightly-glowy tree and passes by several vendors of various goods and services.
He stops at a teleporter operated by a brown-haired, vest-wearing gnome. The gnome notices, and speaks in the characteristic voice that most male gnomes share.
“You need ta go somewhere? As long as that somewhere is Ratchet, I’ve got yer fast track right here!” Ephrius grins, answering politely despite hearing the exact same words from the same gnome at least twenty times before. “I’d like to use the teleporter, please. Ten gold, right?” The gnome nods excitedly. “Yes sir, just hand it over and step right into the teleporter!” Ephrius does exactly that, and is teleported away the instant both feet are on the teleporter. Another loading screen…
As soon as Ephrius regains his senses, an Azure Drake swoops down from the sky. Ephrius climbs onto its back without questioning why it arrived or who sent it, and it takes off, flying west. Nothing of interest happens for several minutes, until Thunder Bluff comes into view in the distance. Ephrius wonders whether he’ll be shot down before or after he finds his targets.
A while longer, then the drake begins flying above Thunder Bluff while Ephrius squints, looking down and struggling to spot his targets. Eventually the drake passes over the Spirit Rise… and Ephrius sees them. Samurth, the insane Undead mage, and Miabell, the less-insane Blood Elf warlock. A female, like every other Blood Elf. He points to them, and the drake swoops down.
Ephrius backflips off the drake and lands unharmed on the ground. Several guards immediately begin shooting and slashing at Ephrius, a member of the Alliance on Horde territory. He protects himself with a barrier and ignores the attackers.
Ephrius waves in greeting to his friends, Samurth and Miabell! They turn to face him with ‘what, are you kidding me’ expressions on their faces. They turn to face each other… Awkward silence. Ephrius starts to say something, but is cut off as he is suddenly launched two feet into the air by an arcane Supernova, casted by Samurth.
Well, can’t really blame him… Ephrius starts charging up a Chaos Bolt, but he finds himself unable to gather the required magical energies, as he is silenced by Miabell’s Spell Lock. Unable to cast even a single Chaos Bolt, he is eventually slain by the combined efforts of Samurth, Miabell, and the guards. Samurth and Miabell return to their previous conversation.
Ephrius’ consciousness eventually returns to his body thanks to a Soulstone. He fakes death for a while longer, gathering his strength…
Just thirty more seconds…
Ephrius sits alone at a table, sipping a drink in the otherwise-empty bar known as the Blue Recluse. About ten minutes pass, but no one else enters the bar.
Seeing that the Blue Recluse would likely not provide anyone to speak with, he closes his eyes and concentrates, gathering the power necessary to break through the Fourth Wall that separates Azeroth from Earth - the dreaded Real Life. Ephrius finally speaks, and his words are strange enough that the barkeep wonders what the Fel is wrong with this poor Worgen.
“Hey, Player, mind checking how many of my friends are available?” A chat box appears in the lower-left corner of Ephrius’ vision. It stays empty for a moment before a line of text appears:
[Playereath] whispers: Rekora is busy leveling, but Samurth and Miabell are both in Thunder Bluff. Perhaps you’d like to pay them a visit?
Ephrius grins. “Perfect, thanks.” He pulls himself out of his chair and begins walking toward the exit. No sound but that of the wood floor creaking. He turns and waves at the barkeep, who simply nods, still confused by Ephrius’ nonsensical words. Ephrius begins using the teleportation function of his Hearthstone.
Trails of green light flow from his hands, which he waves about in large circular motions for whatever reason. As the spellcasting nears its end, he braces himself for the respective disorientation and boredom of long-distance teleportation… and loading screens. He eventually opens his eyes, finding himself in the Golden Lantern inn of the Shrine of Seven Stars.
Ephrius takes a step back, and finds a heavily-armored human warrior standing exactly where Ephrius was a second ago. He ignores the lack of collision physics and walks outside to the Summer Terrace. In the distance, the massive pillar of Sha energy in front of the Seat of Knowledge could still be seen. A chilling reminder of what can happen when one—
Ephrius completely ignores it and walks up the short series of steps to the second level of the Summer Terrace. He walks past the constantly-blooming, slightly-glowy tree and passes by several vendors of various goods and services.
He stops at a teleporter operated by a brown-haired, vest-wearing gnome. The gnome notices, and speaks in the characteristic voice that most male gnomes share.
“You need ta go somewhere? As long as that somewhere is Ratchet, I’ve got yer fast track right here!” Ephrius grins, answering politely despite hearing the exact same words from the same gnome at least twenty times before. “I’d like to use the teleporter, please. Ten gold, right?” The gnome nods excitedly. “Yes sir, just hand it over and step right into the teleporter!” Ephrius does exactly that, and is teleported away the instant both feet are on the teleporter. Another loading screen…
As soon as Ephrius regains his senses, an Azure Drake swoops down from the sky. Ephrius climbs onto its back without questioning why it arrived or who sent it, and it takes off, flying west. Nothing of interest happens for several minutes, until Thunder Bluff comes into view in the distance. Ephrius wonders whether he’ll be shot down before or after he finds his targets.
A while longer, then the drake begins flying above Thunder Bluff while Ephrius squints, looking down and struggling to spot his targets. Eventually the drake passes over the Spirit Rise… and Ephrius sees them. Samurth, the insane Undead mage, and Miabell, the less-insane Blood Elf warlock. A female, like every other Blood Elf. He points to them, and the drake swoops down.
Ephrius backflips off the drake and lands unharmed on the ground. Several guards immediately begin shooting and slashing at Ephrius, a member of the Alliance on Horde territory. He protects himself with a barrier and ignores the attackers.
Ephrius waves in greeting to his friends, Samurth and Miabell! They turn to face him with ‘what, are you kidding me’ expressions on their faces. They turn to face each other… Awkward silence. Ephrius starts to say something, but is cut off as he is suddenly launched two feet into the air by an arcane Supernova, casted by Samurth.
Well, can’t really blame him… Ephrius starts charging up a Chaos Bolt, but he finds himself unable to gather the required magical energies, as he is silenced by Miabell’s Spell Lock. Unable to cast even a single Chaos Bolt, he is eventually slain by the combined efforts of Samurth, Miabell, and the guards. Samurth and Miabell return to their previous conversation.
Ephrius’ consciousness eventually returns to his body thanks to a Soulstone. He fakes death for a while longer, gathering his strength…
Just thirty more seconds…
Edited by Lucífur on 11/16/2015 3:48 PM PST
