The table was set for a slow meal and easy rest at the pier's tavern in Booty Bay, but the weary elf's eyes couldn't resist to the temptation of remaining closed. A few minutes had passed already before a stranger wakes her up from her light sleep. In a quick move while in quiet surprise and sheer shyness she wipes off a bit of drool that had made its way on the corner of her lips. For the past couple of weeks she had felt fatigue, but sleeping her body and mind both did not allow her to; what if her message to her old comrades and colleagues too weak, or perhaps was it too precipitated, or even out of line? It had haunted her ever since she had sent it. Perhaps the true feelings she tried so hard to convey did not reach the intended recipients...? This, she kept on believing so.
Perhaps she just made a fool of herself!
Perhaps, perhaps, maybes...
Over-thinking had become her new pastime, she regretfully thought to herself.
But she couldn't help it. The same questions kept on coming back, and the answers she felt ended as petty attempts to justify herself. Circular logic, she painfully thought. "At least I've tried something, right...? I've tried. To sound them the alarm they needed to work differently. To rethink everything... to... to work... differently..." And she would fall quiet. Sometimes for a few minutes, sometimes for hours.
"I'm a fool."
The night had already come. Akiae sat on a weathered wooden stool outside on her room's cracked balcony and her meal brought over in her room set on the coffee table, left untouched. The only substance she could ingest for the last week was cheap mead and a bit of water, and sometimes not. She would either imprison herself all day in her train of thought, or stare at the dark-blue night sky every night in quiet contemplation; this was the only moment in her day where the questions would lift from her, at least for a couple of hours. During this precious moment, she would sigh every now and then. Feeling a little better. Only during these couple of hours, she'd feel like she had done the right thing.
"Maybe it wasn't a strong message. But at least I talked with my heart." she thought aloud. "I tried something. I tried... I tried to tell them how wrong their behavior was towards the Shu'halos' feelings, their beliefs... you know...!-- doing what you think is right doesn't mean you can do it and that it won't matter! The ends don't justify the means, right? What if--
She then held her thought. At first glance, this train of thought almost didn't fit with what she had believed up until now; reminiscing on her past actions, it dawned on her that she had been acting in parallel to what she had been taught and what she believed in. Not in a hypocritical way, naivety had probably took the best of her. Not an excuse nor justification she believed, but perhaps this was what her teachers used to call "acts blinded by youth". She then felt like she had sinned, although against her will.
In a slow gesture she grabbed her cup and poured water in it, pacing around her room for a few minutes before finally laying down on her bed. As if praying, she joined her hands together and closed her eyes. Praying for guidance.
------
The next morning she grabbed a feather and an inkwell, and penned a letter to those who once shared some of their wisdom with her. Her benefactors, she believed. Unfortunately, her restless night had taken much of her faculties, thus reducing the letter into a small note.
"Dear Red Earth, Aegis, Dernes.
I am young and lost. My heart is in pieces. I just need a friend by my side.
Please let me sit beside you like we were once. It's been so long.
-Akiae"
(( Note: I'm pretty much out of the loop, but apparently I can still use the forums! I just thought I'd semi-park-semi-play Aki through forums, 'cause yeah I still love rp even though I don't do much of it anymore. Perhaps I'll see some of you later! xx ))
Perhaps she just made a fool of herself!
Perhaps, perhaps, maybes...
Over-thinking had become her new pastime, she regretfully thought to herself.
But she couldn't help it. The same questions kept on coming back, and the answers she felt ended as petty attempts to justify herself. Circular logic, she painfully thought. "At least I've tried something, right...? I've tried. To sound them the alarm they needed to work differently. To rethink everything... to... to work... differently..." And she would fall quiet. Sometimes for a few minutes, sometimes for hours.
"I'm a fool."
The night had already come. Akiae sat on a weathered wooden stool outside on her room's cracked balcony and her meal brought over in her room set on the coffee table, left untouched. The only substance she could ingest for the last week was cheap mead and a bit of water, and sometimes not. She would either imprison herself all day in her train of thought, or stare at the dark-blue night sky every night in quiet contemplation; this was the only moment in her day where the questions would lift from her, at least for a couple of hours. During this precious moment, she would sigh every now and then. Feeling a little better. Only during these couple of hours, she'd feel like she had done the right thing.
"Maybe it wasn't a strong message. But at least I talked with my heart." she thought aloud. "I tried something. I tried... I tried to tell them how wrong their behavior was towards the Shu'halos' feelings, their beliefs... you know...!-- doing what you think is right doesn't mean you can do it and that it won't matter! The ends don't justify the means, right? What if--
She then held her thought. At first glance, this train of thought almost didn't fit with what she had believed up until now; reminiscing on her past actions, it dawned on her that she had been acting in parallel to what she had been taught and what she believed in. Not in a hypocritical way, naivety had probably took the best of her. Not an excuse nor justification she believed, but perhaps this was what her teachers used to call "acts blinded by youth". She then felt like she had sinned, although against her will.
In a slow gesture she grabbed her cup and poured water in it, pacing around her room for a few minutes before finally laying down on her bed. As if praying, she joined her hands together and closed her eyes. Praying for guidance.
------
The next morning she grabbed a feather and an inkwell, and penned a letter to those who once shared some of their wisdom with her. Her benefactors, she believed. Unfortunately, her restless night had taken much of her faculties, thus reducing the letter into a small note.
"Dear Red Earth, Aegis, Dernes.
I am young and lost. My heart is in pieces. I just need a friend by my side.
Please let me sit beside you like we were once. It's been so long.
-Akiae"
(( Note: I'm pretty much out of the loop, but apparently I can still use the forums! I just thought I'd semi-park-semi-play Aki through forums, 'cause yeah I still love rp even though I don't do much of it anymore. Perhaps I'll see some of you later! xx ))
Edited by Akiae on 5/7/2011 9:55 AM PDT
