...being a comprehensive list of things I find deplorable, uncouth, and otherwise unsavory, with careful and considered reasoning accompanying.
1: Fences. Really now, a fence is an affront to all good people. The implication that one is incapable of behaving in any manner other than the rudest simply invites confirmation. Plus, if I shot the buck, I damned well demand the right to retrieve it. Sometimes Chumley has a rough time of it, if the beast be of sufficient size...
2: Top Hats. Why on earth would anyone, sane or addled, wear something on their head that looks like nothing so much as the business end of a soot-stack? Is the implication somehow that their thoughts are as filthy as their choice in headgear? Deplorable, really.
3: Corpses, Unburnt. For reasons that surely must be obvious to all educated beings. The reluctance of the recently dead to acquiesce to their proper station is most disturbing. Sit! Stay! Moulder! There's a good lich.
4: Elves. They stink of flowers and rutting. Disgusting.
5: Chocolate. Who invented this? And why? The flavor of cocoa, mixed with a cloying, filmy, miasmic, sense deadening sweetness. An assault on the nose and tongue of whoever ingests it. The very idea of destroying one's sense with this decidedly horrifying mess should cause any decent being to shudder in revulsion.
6: Trolls. Hedonistic savages. Slaves to their baser natures. And they never wash.
7: Travel by sea. If we had been meant to ride 'pon the waters, we'd be fitted with fins and gills. Leave it to the fishes I say. You'll find this fellow secure upon the land, gun and pipe handy at all times. Ahem.
8: Illiteracy. Filled with rage we may be, trodden on most grievously by fate and circumstance we continue to be. But that is not reason to forget our origins, or to discard the fruits of knowledge and civilization. We will be again as we were, nay, greater!
9: Squirrels. How am I supposed to chase them UP the tree?
10: Boredom. The land is in chaos, how is it that I find myself so often with nothing to do? bah. reduced to wiring idle amusements and trivialities. What have things come to?
1: Fences. Really now, a fence is an affront to all good people. The implication that one is incapable of behaving in any manner other than the rudest simply invites confirmation. Plus, if I shot the buck, I damned well demand the right to retrieve it. Sometimes Chumley has a rough time of it, if the beast be of sufficient size...
2: Top Hats. Why on earth would anyone, sane or addled, wear something on their head that looks like nothing so much as the business end of a soot-stack? Is the implication somehow that their thoughts are as filthy as their choice in headgear? Deplorable, really.
3: Corpses, Unburnt. For reasons that surely must be obvious to all educated beings. The reluctance of the recently dead to acquiesce to their proper station is most disturbing. Sit! Stay! Moulder! There's a good lich.
4: Elves. They stink of flowers and rutting. Disgusting.
5: Chocolate. Who invented this? And why? The flavor of cocoa, mixed with a cloying, filmy, miasmic, sense deadening sweetness. An assault on the nose and tongue of whoever ingests it. The very idea of destroying one's sense with this decidedly horrifying mess should cause any decent being to shudder in revulsion.
6: Trolls. Hedonistic savages. Slaves to their baser natures. And they never wash.
7: Travel by sea. If we had been meant to ride 'pon the waters, we'd be fitted with fins and gills. Leave it to the fishes I say. You'll find this fellow secure upon the land, gun and pipe handy at all times. Ahem.
8: Illiteracy. Filled with rage we may be, trodden on most grievously by fate and circumstance we continue to be. But that is not reason to forget our origins, or to discard the fruits of knowledge and civilization. We will be again as we were, nay, greater!
9: Squirrels. How am I supposed to chase them UP the tree?
10: Boredom. The land is in chaos, how is it that I find myself so often with nothing to do? bah. reduced to wiring idle amusements and trivialities. What have things come to?