World of Warcraft®

Talanus Skyfeather stood up top the last untouched mountain of Hyjal. His face filled with hatred but sorrow. He felt the nature around him battling to survive, he saw the creatures of Hyjal run for safety, he say the disgusting orcs and other races of the Twilight cult destroying the land. His heart flailing with great anguish to eradicate the demons, but yet his heart was saddened, seeking to protect all he could. His companion, Luna, sat next to him. He could feel her sorrow, her anguish for the destruction of these foul beings.

"Do not worry Luna, we shall preserve this land for now, and by the next full moon, we shall use our strength to guide us to saving the rest of Hyjal."

As he spoke the words, the trees began rustling behind him, the wind became chilled, and the cracking of sticks became apparent. The stench of a foul being was coming towards him. He quickly knelt down and felt around the soft grass, listening closely, hearing the faint sound of a footstep

"It appears we have company Luna, let us make this quick then."

As he said that, he stood back up, drawing and arrow and placing it calmly between two fingers and against the bow. As he turned around he began praying, peering into what seem an empty forest

"Elune guide the path my arrow seeks. Malorne protect my arrow that seeks destruction. May nature be preserved, and the balance returned."

He released the arrow, it zipping through the air, making a noise at what seemed to be nature itself singing. The winds picked up, and the sky stood still, everything went quite. His arrow passed the nearest tree, but hitting something. A grunt bellowed into the air, screaming in pain and agony. But the arrow hit an invisible mark, but not for long. As blood seeped out of the arrow, a figure became apparent, A skinny, short, white skinned figure. A blood Elf. The race Talanus despised as much as the orcs. His long ears pointy and erect, his eyes became white, and he soon started chocking on the air nature provided. He collapsed suddenly, the arrow lodged into his chest, right at his heart.

"Well Luna, it seems the Gods have not forgotten us. But I fear he is only the first of many to come, for tomorow, we cleanse Hyjal"

The cat roared up into the sky, echoing into the abyss of space. This was only the start of something that would Change Talanus forever. Something that will bring him more pain then he ever thought possible.

((Tell me what you think! I plan on writing some more but only if I get some good feedback! Also let me know some stuff I should work on or need to improve! I take all forms of criticism! unless its downright mean... So let me know what you all think!))

(( I enjoyed the descriptive writing style! Particularly when describing the sounds of the trees, temperature, and the sounds of footsteps carried on the wind. There are a few grammatical errors here and there, and also during your action scene with the arrow I would take it slow as you write and think each step through logically - you've written that the arrow passes a tree, but hits a target, then the next sentence describes the scream, and the third sentence goes back to describing what the arrow did.


It's good, but could be better! Logical flow is key to a reader's understanding and enjoyment :) ))