World of Warcraft®

What they want you to believe…

They are merciless killing machines. They have no emotions, except the thrill of the hunt, the delight of shedding blood, and the lust of hearing the screams of terror and despair from their victims.

What we see…

Their history as pawns of undeath, the captains and commanders of endless leagues of sleepless, 'perfect' soldiers. While they, themselves, are the pinnacle of that so-called perfection. Eyes like ice, hearts dead and black like their souls, we remember the terrors suffered as comrades, friends, even our family fell prey, only to rise again, enslaved. Because of them.

What I've done…

I met him. And my blood ran cold. My stomach churned with sick nerves. I had never gotten close to a Death Knight who wasn't out to destroy me. Not until I saw him. That's because for these past years, I've been in hiding, learning, living, training on my own, secluded from society. Imagine my shock to finally cross paths with a monster which haunted my dreams. And yet, he was just standing there in the Plaguelands on his mount.

Why not?

Why not torment him. I torment everyone else with sharp tongue and quick wit. Laughter and swearing can both be roused from my foul temperament. He tolerated it. It's not as if I could do anything to him, anyway. Lowly paladin I was.

So I grew stronger. I challenged him over and over. Sometimes I won. Sometimes I lost. But he always loomed ahead of me, indifferent to my very existence. I enjoyed it and I was enthralled by it… and I was pissed the hell off about it.

Until I asked him why he wears his helm. Always, he covers his face. It made no sense. Why? Why are you doing this? What purpose does it serve? His answer was far too human. He couldn't face the living after what he had done. What his kind had done. Such a stupid answer.

It took weeks to get that helm off of his head, to face me for the first time. Grief struck me, to see a man so like the one I had recently lost from my life. So I smashed my face into his. It only made sense. He remained patient, hardly phased by the hint of pain the strike had caused. But beyond that moment, I began to learn. And I enticed him into an experiement.

I used him. I manipulated him. Oh, poor Malathir. He knew that I was using him, and yet he knew nothing of what I was doing to him. I didn't know what I was doing to myself. The insanity, the audacity.

Our lives have been strung together over slow months. We are in no rush to discover the truth behind the theories of a Death Knight's existence. His darkness and cold flesh, my life and warmth. There is very little that the dead and the living have in common, and that is what made me so angry. I realized that I will truly never understand that part of the Death Knight whose life I have turned inside out by resurrecting scant fragments of his being.

I try. I listen. I offer a shoulder to cry upon, not that he would waste precious energies to shed tears for himself. Not when the preservation magics can be used for other things. Though I am no necromancer, I have grown familiar with his darkness. I have healed wounds that he couldn't reach, wasn't even aware of, and yet I am still cut off from that dark kinship that Death Knights show amongst each other. Their bonds. I have seen them with my own eyes. They understand something I cannot, and even without their true feelings brought to the surface, they value the faded 'positive' emotions. Either they believe that they can never feel happiness for anything other than slaughter, or they have been fooled…

The theories continue to twist and turn. My experiments are a double-edged sword. If I succeed in truly bringing everything to Light for those clad in death, I ruin their 'perfection'. They do not like it. I have been warned severely for tampering with one of their own. Not that I care. I have to know. I need to know. I need to understand just a little more about him every day. But I'm afraid to ask him… Even when we reaffirm these bonds which were once built upon mistrust and a master's hand laid upon a pawn to see just where it would land next…

I will not hurt him again. Not like I have.

They don't want you to know…

Death Knights are the most fragile beings of all.

~An'giel

A new small leather bound journal.

Received my walking papers from the medical staff at the infirmary, and thanked each one of them for their care, and concern for me while I was incapacitated. I know I was not the best patient they ever had, but it was a different Cyaer than the one fron Falconwing Square, oh so long ago.

Some people seem to think age brings maturity, and wisdom. In a manner of speaking, that old adage may be right. But there are exceptions. It is not age that brings the maturity, and it is not age that brings wisdom, it is life experiences. And whether you learn from those experiences, and those experiences of others close to you, this is an indication of a man's maturity.

Life is a learning experience, an ever on going series of lessons to be learned and remembered. Some are pleasant, and we enjoy the experience, and have fond memories of that moment - a lesson learned. Some are not so pleasant, the pain and grief we bear from these moments haunt us the rest of our lives - another lesson learned. However, it is how we preceived and handled the lesson, and our choices we made that determine the results of our life lessons.

Sometimes I look through these eyes of mine, and I see pain, despair, and death - and it saddens my heart. I think of those decisions I have made in the past, and while I can not change those, they influence my thinking today. I have wept at night wishing I could take back a choice I made, or to re-do the outcome of a contract. I must live with these, and carry their burdens within my heart every day, allowing them to color my thoughts and movements throughout my life.

And yet, I look through these eyes of mine, and I see beauty, hope, and growth - and it lightens my heart. The smiles of my friends, the laughter from the telling of a good joke or tale, and the gay laughter of children, its free and joyous sound releases my heart from the dark thoughts I might harbor at times. The warmth of a hug from a dear friend, the gentle kiss from my future wife, and the slap on the back from a companion - these rise within me when I need a boost to my morale. The dancing lights of the skies in Northrend, the sunsetting on the many beaches of Azeroth, and the sunrising over the forests of Eversong and Silvermoon City - I keep these wonderous images in my heart, and they bring my hope.

It's all a manner of balance, a delicate balance, of them all within myself and each of us as we move ever forward in this fantastic journey called life. I find myself looking for the good in people, trusting in my decisions, and hoping in the future of the Sin'dorei. I don't dwell on the dark thoughts within me. I try to accentuate the positive, and eliminate the negative. But in all things, keep myself balanced. Some days its a struggle, others a walk in the park.

Kreindis Blazestride

At last nights meeting we discussed the tome that Viragona has in her possession. There is apparently runes that are needed to unlock the book, and we had found the location of one. I, along with An'giel, Cyaer, Solorin, Elron, and an Undead named Croink, volunteered to go to it and guard it so that Viragona cannot open the book.

Tislina was absent at this meeting, same as last weeks. I'm beginning to worry about her... Where in the Fel could she have gone?

Kel'thul confronted Kel'tira at the runes location after all the others departed to make sure Viragona wasnt here planning an ambush. He acted as if he WANTED to die, and it was quite obvious that Kel'tira wasnt going to give him what he wanted. But, when she drew her sword, Kel'thul grabbed the hilt and pulled himself into it, the blade piercing through his abdomen and going through the back. We didnt have time to give him a proper burial, as Kel'tira insisted we did, but we did the best we could at the moment by burning his body with some coals and wood from a brazier nearby.

The rune is guarded by An'giel at the moment, I had to leave to pack a few things because the Warchief is sending me on a four day straight mission at Hellfire Peninsula. I wont even be able to speak to anybody through the guildstone, as I'll be out of range...

I'm just hoping theres not a Fel Reaver that thinks I'm the next spider in its house to crush with its boot.

A red journal....bound by a golden rope. A name is printed on the front...Aseria Sunblade

A woman sat in a rocking chair on the balcony of the abandoned Greymane Mannor, which was continuously being drenched by rain . Abandoned by it's owners, the woman decided to take up residence in it's lone, dark halls. A black umbrella was propped behind her back, keeping the woman dry along with the journal that sat in her lap. A small ink jar sat on a small side table next to her with a long red quill dipped into it.

Slowly and gently, the woman reached for the quill and pulled it out, ink the color of blood dripped from it's tip. Bringing it to a clean page, the woman began to write...

Gilneas.....my new home....for now of course.

I have inspected Fenris Isle, and found that it is little to no use to me. Vira's old hide out, now exposed, it is worthless. I could have taken residence in there if I wanted to...but the fact that it would be to obvious of a place to hide for one such as me made it...distasteful. However, this doesn't mean it is completely useless to me.

Vira is on a little quest to find runes to open a certain book.....runes of dark magic which are scattered across the lands out...well..Outlands. The Witch has spoken to me, she said she had sent a few what she calls 'Void scouts' to check up on the Fellowships movements...

They found one. This makes a plan come to mind.

Now, the chances that by the time I reach there, something would have already happened and the rune will be gone, but that is no problem, there are still a few others. Some of these runes are activated by hate, a hatred which I have bottled up inside me, still waiting to be released onto a foe of sorts, backed up by my insanity.

In case I don't manage to have a plan for the current rune in the Fellowships hands by this weekend, then I will simply have to find another, and take it before either Vira or the Fellowship can get their grubby little hands on it....and that is where the fun comes in.

Given the runes can be transported, I will take the rune to Fenris Isle, where I shall lay a trap for my little Fellowship goody goody too shoes to come by and demand for it back....or more like try and 'force' me to give it to them. I don't plan to anytime soon.

No...I have other plans for them, even as we speak, the Witch has offered to send an agent of hers to the keep, where they plan explosives into every nook and cranny, all of which will be activated by a rune....it will be a count down of at least 10 seconds for them to escape before...

BOOM!

The woman pauses, giggling like a utter maniac at the thought of the large explosion. Gaining what senses she could, she continues to write, giggling while doing so

Will the chances of a possible death be high? No...not really...sadly...but the chances of injury will be though.

I aim is not to kill the members of the Fellowship...not yet anyway; Vira after all is still in the game, and has yet to be removed. No...I will take a more calmer approach...something which I'm not exactly good at doing. I want to cause as much pain and agony as I can to these fools before I obliterate them!

I will present myself as a threat, I will make them know I want their blood....it's all about the fun and games that comes out....I want to torment my victims before I kill them.

For now, however, I will remain here....and wait for the Lady Witch's go ahead...

I am Aseria Sunblade...I will herald the Fellowships utter and complete demise...

Aseria.

Sticking the quill back into the jar, both vanished. The Pyromancer closed the book and stuck it into a waist pouch that she had made just for it. She picked up her umbrella, looking at it for a moment before closing it and throwing it at the open door that lead inside. She then turned her gaze to the sky, out stretching her arms and letting her hood fall back to reveal her face, which for once seemed calm and collected.

Soon enough though, a wide and insane grin spread across her face, and she began to laugh. Chilling, insane, she laughed, letting it echo across the planes of Gilneas as almost a haunting tune.

A new small leather bound journal.

My heart and soul are in turmoil. Kel'tira has disappeared in a rush, and I fear for her. I don't know what happened when Kel'thul died on her sword, she was acting differently. Not herself.

After everyone had left, except for the guardian watching the rune, I spoke with An'giel. And what she had to say made sense to me. I had heard some of what she said from others, but coming from An'giel, I took it for what it was worth. And for me, it was worth hearing.

Some may say she's abrasive, and others might say she's harsh...but there is an honesty to her that while brutal, speaks volumes of truth. I'm glad I had the opportunity to speak with her, and that I took the time to listen also. If I were to lead the Fellowship, I would want her beside me as an advisor, I value her thoughts and opinions that much.

I found myself lost in a dungeon tonight. I wandered aimlessly seeking my way, when I found someone to help me...Karamia. We were in a very exotic and beautiful place, I do not believe Kel would like it though, too many spiders and buggy things. She took me by the hand and lead me through the maze of webs and finally where I needed to be to leave. But we hesitated, both wishing to spend a few moments together.

And we talked. Some would think it foolishness to spend what little time we get together in conversation, but our hearts needed each other in another way, so we talked. I'm glad we did...for I was able to tell Karamia that my love for her was timeless, and there was no need to rush into our marriage, we still had a lifetime to spend together as one. And we kissed. I held her close, and we snuggled. To have her in my arms, close to me, and feeling her wanting to be there...well, it means and speaks volumes to my heart of our love.

So, whether it happens now, later, or whenever...I am patient. I will be patient, for in the end, some day will come. Some day. She is mine, and I am happy with that for now. Until some day.

A new tome, but far from fresh, it has a dark cover with stained pages. The entire thing is bound crudely. But it is sturdy, if ugly. And one can only imagine what the stains consist of. Though no name can be found, no signature, and the hand writing is rough, it is the one and only book belonging to Silver Truesong.

I have a sister. I remember this, now. It isn't something I thought of before, or could even recall. The dead are long gone from my life, and my mind. So I had dismissed her. My little sister. An'giel. But I could see it in her eyes. I know that look. That shock, the horror of reliving torment upon seeing that which reminds you of it. Or perhaps it was looking at my scarred face that brought about that horrified glance. I do not yet know. And yet, she embraced me. I hadn't the heart to strike her for it. Not when she all but wept, while my heart grew cold and I grit my teeth for her sake.

She has grown. I remember when she was smaller than I was. Back then. Back before the Scourge came and all of my grief at the loss of my family was swallowed by a torment which seemed to never end. So that when I came to, no one could look directly at me. They healers did what they could, but it wasn't enough. It could never be enough. At least they salvaged my leg. I wouldn't be able to survive if it wasn't on my own two feet.

She spoke of this fellowship. People who worked together. It doesn't suit her. She wouldn't say why she stays with them, however. I may as well investigate, but the sickness holds me back. Or, perhaps I am not ill at all, and my life before was a dream.

I recall people. Places. Things. Ghosts and visions, striking out maliciously. I recall breaking spirits and bones and laughing all the while, and oh the thrill that those memories bring. A sickening, delightful, thrilling adventure. From dropping a proud man to his kneel in the rain before all those he leads to striking a baby dragon who bit me... a crystalline beast from the depths of the Netherstrom... Did I dream it? Did I live it?

I no longer feel that strength, I do not remember what happened to me. But it was cold. So cold... Perhaps my life was frozen, my corpse brought to life again with magic and preserved in ice. But I do remember two things...

Two rings. One stolen, one made just for me. They are mine to give and the one who takes the other will belong to me. They were forged of fire, magic, from precious silver and lava rubies. Their makings... from the heart of Molten Core. I remember this.

The other was a large cat. The one who ruined my side and shoulder with claws and fangs. The one I struck in the heart of Zul'Gurub and brought down with my own hands. He loomed over me. Waiting. I sent him away for now. But I feel that I can call upon him again. A great black beast... I wonder if I ever taught him to thirst for blood.

I need to rest.

Kreindis Blazestride

I have been able to see Tislina again, and it is a big relief to know that she is safe... I told her about the Warchief sending me to Hellfire, and she was not happy to hear this. After I told her, we ended up beside eachother on the shore of a small river at the edge of Sunstrider Isle. She said she would miss me, and made me promise to stay safe. I promised her and tolder her I would do everything in my power to return safe. She rested her head upon my shoulder, and I wrapped an arm around her, and we were silent for a while, but that was only because no words needed to be spoken... the only other words that were spoken and the moment after they slipped from her lips stick in my head, and I do not wish them away... the words were:

"Just incase I dont see you before you leave..."

Then she placed her lips upon mine, and I did not break from her. My heart beats a little faster just thinking of her right now... those days in Hellfire are going to be... well... hell.

I also ran into Kel'tira while in a short mission to Winterspring. We only spoke briefly before she let me out so she could be with her thoughts. Nothing else has happened since.

I'll write again when something pops up.

Journal of Karamia Dawnstrike

The Fellowship stays strong. We gather again to plot for Viragona's demise. This book she has, it is evil..some kind of runes are needed to unlock it. How are we to stop her if we cannot know what runes she needs or where they are. I have a bold idea and must need to have a word with our rogues...Vira needs to be found and monitored. We need someone inside to get the information we need to be informed.

Not someone crazy for their own power, not someone who will be subject to her wiles and spells. Someone who will remain hidden and unknown to her. I wonder if I can find anyone who will be brave or stealthy enough to do this? I will speak with Jahana and Auxi, perhaps one of them can try, but it is imperative they know, this mission will be very difficult and dangerous. I do not want Cyaer to do it. Not because he would not be skilled...but....because I fear my heart will burst if anything happens to him.

A quick note, scrawled hastily, or perhaps out of boredom.

The rune will remain safe for now. I doubt most could go toe to toe with me and expect to succeed before others have come to aid. Much less without dying. Even if I were to fail, Malathir stays by my side most hours. There are many things to kill in Blade's Edge. Dragons, Gronns, Ogres... it will keep him from getting too bored, too enthralled with his urges. And, baring that, I can entertain him to some degree.

But, at the very least, I can do this much. It's high time my efforts to lick my superior's boots paid off with something that's actually useful.

Kel'tira Sunblaze

The rain feels nice on my face, the mushrooms in Zangarmarsh are cool, and spongy, comfortable for the most part. I am glad my journal still seems to repel water, because I have no intention of going anywhere else tonight.

I let Solorin use his dark magics to remove the child from me. I am not sure I made the right choice, but what is done is done, and now... now I have pushed it all too far.

What was a small, clean entrance wound is now a festering sore tainted with shadow after the events of the past three days.

I did not take Solorin's advice to heart, and went not only to Nagrand, where I was pulled into a conflict with the Alliance alongside a man calling himself Drakehide. Aethelgyth, whose prowess I had only heard of, joined us along with Solorin, but to Northrend as well. We fought with glory in Outland, even if by the end of it I was coughing and Solorin had to help me return to Silvermoon. He warned me then, and I failed to listen. Or, more specifically, I listened, and did what I thought necessary, took risks that I was able to justify in my mind.

I went to Northrend only to track down my husband, and be denied my love again.

Sunday night during the meeting, he again cautioned me against going after the rune, and, again, I went anyways. Kel'thul challenged me, begged me, more, for what he said he wanted from me while I was under Velin's power. I wanted to make him suffer as he made me suffer. I wanted him to writhe in pain, to cry out as I did. I hate myself for what I wanted to do to him. What I know I could have done to him.

He killed himself on my sword. He seized my weapon by the blade and pulled himself onto it. As he was dying on my blade, he reached to touch my helm, touching my mind, speaking through our minds. I only wish I knew what he meant. I only wish I could understand how he could say the things he did.

I felt sorry for him, in the end, I felt hurt inside that I would do what I did to him, his body looked so small, so weak, when we burned him.

I cannot bring myself to write what he shared with me.

Kel'tira Sunblaze

Today was... an adventure. I did not sleep last night, and honestly? I do not care.

I spent the day in Winterspring, a friend lent me the use of her house there, and was visited by both Kreindis and Solorin.

The former healed the mark from Kel'thul's magic and tried to heal the wound from what I did to lose the child, and the latter cautioned me again, and told me that if I did not slow down, I would die from the wound.

I finally did it! I asked auxilia on a date...hopefully we go threw with it and hopefully it goes well for us, I've really come to care for the girl who saved my life that day.

I got drunk today, and I had a conversation with Kel..I told her my birth name Theiel...I hope she keeps it sacred..I'm starting to trust her...she reminds me of my sister.....my attempts to convince her that should she keep stressing her body she will die...she won't listn to my advice hopefully that changes...I won't lose another sister..even tho she isn't my sister...

I'm rambling now..like I always do.

Theiel

A hardbound leather book with a plain cover

I am no longer under the sway of the Lich King. And I find myself without direction, without a goal. Except to defeat him who created me, and I shall for he owes me. I did not ask for this undead thing that I am. I remember the words of Lady Eonys, before she asked me to slay her, Jondular, you once were a hero for the Horde, fight this. And for once, I hesitated in killing an innocent.

A hero. I once was a hero? What can I learn about my past? Who was I? I am undead, but I find myself asking these questions over and over again. I was Sin'dorei...I shall begin my search in Silvermoon City, a center for the Sin'dorei. I will find out who I was, for in finding that, I shall find out who I am now.

I walk the roads towards my destination. I slay those who would stop me, and I aid those who ask of me. Aid? What an unusual thing to do...for one such as I. What is happening to me? Am I not a monster? Or am I?

A tattered, blood-stained scrap is tucked into the pages, the inks on the paper are varied, and the handwriting slightly different on each, showing the fact that the names were not all written at the same time, Kel's morbid list of the dead continues to grow.

Alaria.

Kara.

Traly.

Keladryn. 

Tyrael.

The second nameless Sunblaze child.

Kel'thul.

A new small leather bound journal.

The city is quiet, a gentle rain fell throughout the entire day. The figure at the manikins works not with one, nor two, but with three of the wooden figures. He dances with them all in a circle of movements and slashing attacks. A spin here, places him directly in front of one sagging dummy, a quick roll across the sands and another manikin slumps on its post, and finally a diving tuck and roll sends the last manikin crashing down into a small puddle. He wipes his blades off, and walks away, not looking back.

I seemed to have lost a bit of my abilities, recuperating does that to one's skills. They lag, and need to be pushed to the limit again...otherwise my life may be forfeit. Today I practiced in the rain, it was good...the rain covered my tears. And I let go...I let it all go. I was that killing machine I was in Hellfire Peninsula. And I felt more alive than I have in several days. A tame rogue is a dead rogue. I need to return to Northrend, to make me alive again. And soon.

I retired to my room, to rest, to think, and to prepare for Northrend. My armor is cleaned, and repaired, and my weapons are as sharp as I can possible get them. My rucksack is packed with rations, a few potions to aid in healing, and a few knick-knacks. They keep me in touch with the inner me. For without them, I am an automaton...and I am not a machine. I am prepared for my travels and head down for some dinner.

Imagine my surprise when I run into Tislina and Krei. We chat lightly, and even sit for a bit. I managed to spend a few moments alone with Tis, and complimented her on her help she has provided to the Fellowship, as well as her growth in her skills. She is a sterling example of what the Fellowship is all about...and I simply enjoyed her company.

I slept uneasily last night, whether it was anticipating the journey tomorrow or something else, I could not tell. I worry. Am I becoming like Kel'tira? Worry about the Fellowship and its members. Concern for her, and my sweetheart, Karamia. Worry about Viragona, and Aseria.

Worry does nothing constructive for one. It tears at confidences, and wears down one's soul. And it is a distraction. And in my line of work, worry can be the death of one. I need to shake off these shackles of worry, and just know that everything is alright. Worrying does me no good.

Perhaps I'll swing by the Blade's Edge Mountains. To see how An'giel fares there. Maybe bring her some fresh food from Mom's kitchen. And to talk to her. How much we, the Fellowship, appreciate her strength and dedication. Yes, a nice sidetrack before I explore the frigid lands of Northrend again.

The past few days have been very good for me. Three days ago, I met Kreindis outside the Hall. We talked for a few moments and he informed me he is being sent to Hellfire Pennisula.
By no means am I happy to hear that. We wanted to spend as much time together as possible, so we went swimming at a small river near Sunstrider Isle. Eventually we sat on shore together, my head on his shouldar and his arms around me. Though I wish more then anything that that moment did not have to end, I had to depart. I was terrified of him going to Hellfire, and I still am. So, right before I left I told him in case I did not see him before he left, and I kissed him. And he kissed me back. My heart speeds up when I think of it.

Then Yesterday, we met again on the Walk Of the Elders. We spoke to each other for a little while, and then we had an interesting encounter. A hunter by the name of Triania approached us saying she had spoken to Auxilia, and wanted to join the Fellowship. So, Kreindis an I introduced ourselves and told her a little bit about the Fellowship. Well then Pero'thas joined the conversation. I can tell that he gets on Kreindis's bad side. Anyways, the four of us went to the inn and had drinks. Triania departed not long after. I must say she is a... um... colorful, I suppose is a good word, chracter. I do not like how she adresses
Kreindis. Cyaer joined Kreindis and I. At this point Pero'thas was departing. He was quite rude to Cyaer, and I am still sore over how he talks to Krei. The three os us sat down and had dinner together. Unfortunatly Kreindis had to leave us. I will not lie I was not happy about this. He hugged me and and said goodbye. So, Cyaer and I had a conversation. He told me he was proud of my accomplishments as a mage, and that the Fellowship was lucky to have me. He also tried to abate my fears about Kreindis. He did a little. We met a man called Jade. He was not allowed at the inn we were at so we went with him to the Silvermoon City Inn. We were curious about a bruise on his head. He told us Croink and Blackmold gave it to him. That bit of news disturbed me. Why would Blackmold do something like that? Anyways, it was getting late so I exscused myself, told Cyaer thank you for our conversation, and went home. I studied for about an hour on the runes like I told Cyaer I would, then went to bed.

I spent most of this morning learning more about the runes. I found out some interesting things. Then I went to the Hall to see if it contained any useful information. Sadly, it did not. I did get to talk breifly with Auxilia though. A Death Knight was int the Hall so we spoke with him. At this point Auxilia went out to calm down Solorin, whom had had a little to much to drink. I continued to talk with the death knight. He told me he was not accepted in Orgrimmar, so he spent his time in Silvermoon. I said he should join the Fellowship, and he agreed. His name was Korage. We walked outside so he could meet Kel. She was petting a rather large cat. Korage was accepted into the guild. I also me a very sweet girl called Alecca. She too joined the Fellowship. I met with Kreindis and we spent a little time together. We sat on a bench in the Court Of The Sun. He told me he was glad he got to spend that moment with me. I said the same. I ended up having to leave though. I had a briefing to go to before my assesment. I really hope we can both make it to Solorin's party Friday. I wonder what I should wear....

I think that will do for now. I have to get to my assesment.

Kel'tira Sunblaze

(The bottom half of the entry is drenched in tears)

How can one day, two hours, swing between euphoric and heartrending so quickly?

Nic is back, and for this I am so entirely grateful, thankful, so happy. I was afraid he was dead, afraid the whole fiasco with my inability to see him was merely a cover-up for his death, thank the Light he came home, thank the Light... I had not realized exactly what I had been missing, exactly how big a part of me had been gone, until I was back in his arms. I will never let him go again.

How can one day go from that, to this?

When Nic departed, I walked to the Hall, and Kreindis told me Solorin was... hurt. When I arrived in front of the Hall of Blood, Solorin was on the ground, stab wounds and deep cuts on his chest. While the Light burns undead, its healing is powerful, if painful. I did what I could, and that seemed to be enough alongside Kreindis's efforts.

Cyaer walked away, and, as I wanted to apologize for how I treated him Sunday, I followed. Something is wrong with him, and his words burn into my mind, “You're a big girl, deal with it.”

I cannot stand it. It hurts, somewhere deep in my heart, to have my husband back only to lose the man who is as close to me as my brother. Count the good things... Nic's return outweighs it all, right? I just... Light.

Light, show Cyaer the truth, show me what I can do. Guide me. Guard me. Keep my people, my house, and my family safe.

(Blood drops stain the bottom half of the page)

And now I cannot even sharpen a damned quill without hurting myself.

A new small leather bound journal.

Sweat on my brow, sweat pours off me...and tears fall in my heart. I slash, dodge, and stab at the manikins, I hear the wood crack and the chips fly, but I am not giving it my full attention. My heart is heavy, as my steps are light. I slash one more time, and walk away. My mind is not on the manikins in front of me, it concentrates on the brief moment of yesterday.

"Guildmistress"..."you're a big girl, deal with it"...they echo in my mind and my heart over and over again. It was good to see her, as we stood around Solorin. She was safe. And watching her heal him was good too. She seemed okay. And I walked away. She followed me. And my heart was hardened.

I remembered the past few nights tossing in my bed, worried sick about her whereabouts, and whether she was alright. She had brushed me off...and it hurt. More than I want to admit, but it did. And I thought about my conversation with An'giel.

So, I spoke with her, respectfully, but it was harsh...not me at all. And still she followed me. I could not look at her, I might just as well have slapped her across the face, with the words that came next. Where did they come from? Two wrongs do not make a right...and I walked away from her again. This time, she did not follow.

And I ran. I ran to Ogrimmar, I ran away from what I had done, and what I said. I'm not sure I can treat Kel'tira that way...ever again. I feel the sting of my words on my own heart. I can only imagine the pain I wrought on her's.

The bobber floated lazily on the water, but I cannot see it...tears blur my vision as I run it through my mind repeatedly. I hurt my sister, my dear sweet Kel, whom I love so deeply. And are my words empty to her now when I said I would be there for her, that we could get through it together. My heart aches, and I dropped the pole to cover my face wet with tears. What have I done? What have I done?

A new small leather bound journal.

I think about the times we spent in the park. Carrying her when it was difficult for her to carry herself. I think about the sun shining down on her face, and reflecting off her hair. I think about her voice in my ear, about her laughter...I think about Kel'tira, a Sindorei who brought me into the Fellowship, into her confidence, and her House. And finally into her heart, both of us loving each other as long lost siblings found.

"You're a big girl, deal with it."

I think of all the worries, and concerns I had while she was held by my father...and how I brought hurt to her then through my frustration with him. And I remember seeing her, tied up and laying in the dirt and sand. Relieved to see her alive, and breathing...and some of the physical damage he had done. My heart almost broke then. But it was later that I found out the true damage he had wrought upon my Kel'tira.

He was vile, he was sick, he was...her uncle and he took her...and used her for his own pleasure...repeatedly. He's dead now, but his legacy continued...she was pregnant. I offered her my support in whatever she chose to do. And I remember sitting with her, and holding her, letting her cry.

"You're a big girl, deal with it."

A hurt for a hurt? Does it really equal out? Does hurting any one ever settle a preceived injury? No, no it doesn't. All you do is continue the hurt...to ones you love and respect. No, it does not settle a score. It adds to the hurt is what it does, it takes nothing away.

Oh, Kel...I'm so sorry, so so so sorry. If I could take it back I would, in a heartbeat. How do I erase that pain I have caused you? How do I...?

The rest of the page is warped by the tears shed upon the page.

Kel'tira Sunblaze

I ran.

Or, more, walked, crawled, and stumbled, away from Silvermoon this morning.

The whole place hurts, right now, and I could not find Nic, so the comfort of his arms was out of my reach, for now. All I need is time alone. Time to cry. To shed the tears I have held back so long.

Did I do this to Cy? Did I?

Is it all my fault?

(The paper is crumpled on the edges, as if Kel has dropped or thrown the book)

I suppose he will find me if he wants to apologize. I do not think I blame him, but yet... it hurt.

A lot.

I broke a guildstone, and I feel oddly bad about that, and about leaving the shards on the floor of the Hall, but...