Perhaps it is that. I have not mourned properly the death of two people I loved. My sister..and Alen. I have merely pushed the pain away..refused to deal with it and now it has made me sour to the world. Bitter and cold. I hate this, I hate them for dying, I hate this book, and I hate writing in it. I hate admitting this and I hate that I am not yet ready to deal with this pain properly. I hate Solorin and I hate my cousin. I cannot believe I have written what I just wrote, and I will not believe it is true! What am I doing to myself?
Lyrilia slams the book shut suddenly, dropping her quill into the sandy grass at the base of the tree. Her eyes flared with anger at herself. At the world, at everything she hated. The pain she had not yet dealt with turning to a bitter hatred. Perhaps she could speak to Azurick of this, he seemed fine now....relatively unaffected now? He had passed her tests....he knew Alen...perhaps she could trust him just this once? No. Trusting a person is foolish. He will help her with what she needs him for and nothing more. But, perhaps he might understand.....Fine. I shall ask him how he has forgotten so quickly, nothing more. I will be bitter if I wish.
"People are like burrs. You let yourself get to close to them, and they cling to you or scratch and hurt you. Annoying as hell." She growled to herself, leaning her head back against the tree. Sighing deeply she sorted her thoughts, pushing away those of pain and doubt back into the corners of her mind, wishing to drown them away as she had been doing before Azurick had found her.
"Azurick. I shall not speak to him of anything but what I have asked. He will tell me if he finds Alen's body, and then we shall go from there." She had been pushing away pain for so long, it had always worked just fine for her.
Or had it really?
[[2/2]]
Lyrilia slams the book shut suddenly, dropping her quill into the sandy grass at the base of the tree. Her eyes flared with anger at herself. At the world, at everything she hated. The pain she had not yet dealt with turning to a bitter hatred. Perhaps she could speak to Azurick of this, he seemed fine now....relatively unaffected now? He had passed her tests....he knew Alen...perhaps she could trust him just this once? No. Trusting a person is foolish. He will help her with what she needs him for and nothing more. But, perhaps he might understand.....Fine. I shall ask him how he has forgotten so quickly, nothing more. I will be bitter if I wish.
"People are like burrs. You let yourself get to close to them, and they cling to you or scratch and hurt you. Annoying as hell." She growled to herself, leaning her head back against the tree. Sighing deeply she sorted her thoughts, pushing away those of pain and doubt back into the corners of her mind, wishing to drown them away as she had been doing before Azurick had found her.
"Azurick. I shall not speak to him of anything but what I have asked. He will tell me if he finds Alen's body, and then we shall go from there." She had been pushing away pain for so long, it had always worked just fine for her.
Or had it really?
[[2/2]]
Edited by Lyrilia on 9/24/2012 6:35 PM PDT