((This is another of our old stories posted to celebrate Pia's upcoming anniversary. Dhaymon used to terrorize gnomes with stories of the Azerothian Water Bear. Bad Dhaymon.))
Dhaymon 1/21/2007 4:41 PM : The Azerothian Water-Bear (Essential Information) link
Dhaymon
Posts: 426
The Azerothian Water-Bear
(Hydro-ursine carnivorum)
An artists' renditioning of what the Azerothian Water-Bear might look like in its natural habitat.
Common Habitats: Canals, ponds, creeks, rivers, the ocean, bathtubs, and oh dear god it's right behind you.
Lifespan: 1,000,000 years
Population Remaining In Wild: One. There has always only been one.
Major Food Source: Small children, gnomes, and the occasional pet. Also, anyone who says it doesn't exist.
Physical Description: The Water-Bear is around the same size as the average Land-Bear, except it is lighter in color, much more densely muscled, and has foot-long fangs (which some people claim are poisonous). It can shoot laser beams out of its eyes and can roar loud enough to deafen the average human. It swims at around 347 knots, and flops around on the ground at .3 miles per hour, so it is recommended that if you absolutely MUST encounter a Water-Bear, you do it on land.
Attack Warnings: None, except for ominous music that's all like, "Dum-DUM....dum-DUM....dumDUMdumDUMdum..."
Best Offense: A good defense.
Best Defense: None. The Water-Bear will kill you.
Economic Uses: The fur is extremely valuable because no one has ever been able to skin one. Adventurer skin, on the other hand, is at an all-time low this week in the Water-Bear economy, since the market has been flooded with thousands of pelts.
Environmental Impact: Water-Bears actually promote a healthy environment, since they only prey on sentient beings and not other animals, thus keeping the forests from being timbered, the waters from being fished, and little children from ever seeing their fishermen parents again.
Comparative Challenges: Scaling a snow-covered mountain naked, holding your breath for one year, jumping off of Teldrassil and living, or giving Arthas the bird (while inverted).
Characters: Dhaymon
Dhaymon 1/21/2007 4:41 PM : The Azerothian Water-Bear (Essential Information) link
Dhaymon
Posts: 426
The Azerothian Water-Bear
(Hydro-ursine carnivorum)
An artists' renditioning of what the Azerothian Water-Bear might look like in its natural habitat.
Common Habitats: Canals, ponds, creeks, rivers, the ocean, bathtubs, and oh dear god it's right behind you.
Lifespan: 1,000,000 years
Population Remaining In Wild: One. There has always only been one.
Major Food Source: Small children, gnomes, and the occasional pet. Also, anyone who says it doesn't exist.
Physical Description: The Water-Bear is around the same size as the average Land-Bear, except it is lighter in color, much more densely muscled, and has foot-long fangs (which some people claim are poisonous). It can shoot laser beams out of its eyes and can roar loud enough to deafen the average human. It swims at around 347 knots, and flops around on the ground at .3 miles per hour, so it is recommended that if you absolutely MUST encounter a Water-Bear, you do it on land.
Attack Warnings: None, except for ominous music that's all like, "Dum-DUM....dum-DUM....dumDUMdumDUMdum..."
Best Offense: A good defense.
Best Defense: None. The Water-Bear will kill you.
Economic Uses: The fur is extremely valuable because no one has ever been able to skin one. Adventurer skin, on the other hand, is at an all-time low this week in the Water-Bear economy, since the market has been flooded with thousands of pelts.
Environmental Impact: Water-Bears actually promote a healthy environment, since they only prey on sentient beings and not other animals, thus keeping the forests from being timbered, the waters from being fished, and little children from ever seeing their fishermen parents again.
Comparative Challenges: Scaling a snow-covered mountain naked, holding your breath for one year, jumping off of Teldrassil and living, or giving Arthas the bird (while inverted).
Characters: Dhaymon
