Sonnets - To My Many Loves
I. Within the Sisterhood
Hast gratitude, my first and strangest love?
Hast any fond or smiling memory?
Took any joy in what I taught you of,
Or loved you ever this my poetry?
What strength, to take a woman to thy breast,
And shelter there her trembling poet's tears!
But oh, my love, why failed your strength the test
Of standing 'gainst thy undeserved fears?
And so thou art forever from me fled,
Who once I thought to make forever mine
And taught to warm another woman's bed --
That, then, the legacy of our short time.
My love you had, my bed, my poetry,
But all this lost to headstrong jealousy.
II. Within the Modas il Toralar
And so the one who made me what I am,
Who bound me, beat me, bent me to her will --
She made me blessed, made me forever damned,
And her for this division love I still.
How lived I ever, 'ere you taught me this?
How weak was I to ever have feared pain?
And knowing now of sweet surrender's bliss,
How could I be as once I was again?
But oh, how thy departure struck my heart,
And how much more the pain of thy return,
When I who love you must remain apart
From this the greatest strength I ever learned --
Sweet agony, for such a one to ache,
Who never loved me but for pleasure's sake.
III. Through Diplomacy
And what of thou, my one-time friend in arms?
What is it makes me dress myself for thee
In all my silks and jewels and wom'nly charms,
Who should and has been but my enemy?
Some strange remainder of a sister's love,
A deep and trusting bond unsevered yet
By all the power of my Lord above;
Unshaken by the heavy hand of threat?
And yet, no sister's love could move me thus,
To balance thee against my jealous Lord --
This then a full and loving woman's lust
That lovers loves; adores to be adored.
Our sister's love I trust forever past,
And pray I now that this new bond may last.
IV. Upon Return
Oh thoughtless lover, how could you have known
How, all surrounded by her lovers fair,
The much-sought Arjah mourned herself alone
And ached to tell the which she would not dare?
No fault of thine, this silent reticence
That bound so long within her aching gaze
The fullness of the loving reverence
She only now before thee dares to raise --
But broken be the dams of lovers past,
And out the flood of her affections pour,
That all who hear the raging cataract
Might cry "'Tis Arjah's love concealed no more!"
If I be damned for any lovers sought,
Then let it only be for di Masoch.
A.N. - A second cycle of sonnets, this was written some time after my taste for the form had expired. It was composed at the request of my publisher, in return for the creation of a personal edition of my "Sonnet - To My First-Born Son." The women addressed are, in order: Krerash of the Erinyes Sisterhood, Vashia of the Modas il Toralar, Morisa of the Erinyes Sisterhood, and Sadera of the Modas il Toralar. I stand by my love for all of them, though I wish I could have written them something less trite.
Ode to a Dying Star
How much more fragile than the glazèd pane
(Through which, at invitation entertained
From certain dear and educated friends
That in the varied testings of their lens
Did tap of needs my unbegrudging coin,
I did allow myself to be enjoined
To gaze) did my conceptions prove to be,
Confronted in the rude observr'try
By view of that most gentle, fixèd light
That to my own and unassisted sight
Marks with a bright familiarity
A single point in that celestial sea,
All ringed within their telescopic gaze
With fires more than e'er in heavens blazed
Within the power of poet's eyes to see,
Who praise its solitary dignity
Full ignorant of that ancestral storm
Surrounding this which my dear friends have sworn
Be that same wand'rer of the vaulted night,
Exposèd now by magnifièd sight
As burning with such self-consuming fire
As ever sparked the fragrant phoenix pyre,
The smallest part of which, with careless ease
Cast down to us, becomes what poets see
And mark the fullness of its countenance,
The which they praise for all the steadfastness
The naked eye perceives in witnessing
That captive of the immolating rings
Which we in turn held captive in the frame
We built to cage a single window-pane.
How bright and wild we ever find our dreams,
Yet from afar, how fixèd must they seem!
A.N. - For a time in the middle of my career I greatly enjoyed the easy pace of heroic couplets, and a brief visit to the observatory in Ratchet one clear night spawned this quick work. It is enjoyably flowery, and entirely too full of frills and flourishes; I am, of course, exceedingly fond of it as a result.