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“Have you figured out where to move her yet? I don’t want her staying here too long, and I don’t want –MY- house filled with visitors!”

“Don’t worry Vora; I’ll be moving her soon, just wait a little longer, ok? As for the visitors, don’t let any in then, just talk to me before you turn them away…”

“Well, my patience is running thin, Quelisa! I don’t suppose –“A sharp knock sounded at the door, interrupting the rogue. Offering the mage a glare, she stood from her chair, gesturing to the door. “Well, if you’re going to be deciding who can and cannot come into my house, why don’t you open the door, then?”

“Fine!” The mage returned the glare, pushing her chair back loudly. Stopping just before the door, she composed herself, another sharp, annoyed knock sounding from the other side.

“Would you be Quelisa Dawnblade?” The door opened to reveal a rather…decayed forsaken man, his voice bored and raspy, bits of flesh missing from his face arms, and numerous other places.

“Yes, is that my delivery from the Undercity? If it is, it’s late.” She crossed her arms, leaning against the doorframe, the glare returning to her face.

“Yes, yes it is.” The man moved to open the dirty crate he held, displaying rows of clear, crystal bottles filled with an odd blue potion. “Well, do you have the payment?” His expression and tone remained bored, emotionless despite his annoyance. Nodding slowly at the potions, the mage disappeared into the house, reappearing with the smaller of two sacks of gold that had been sitting on the table.

“I believe this will do, as we negotiated the price ahead of time.” She handed the man the sack of gold, holding the musty crate at a distance in front of her, as she walked inside, the smell of death and the Undercity having stuck to the crate.

“Ah, so they’ve brought more of your special little deceptive potions, have they? I do hope that crate doesn’t stay in the house…”
“Don’t worry; I’ll be leaving it in Lyrilia’s room, under the bed. The smell will help.” She offered the rogue a sickly sweet smile in return to the glare she had shot her, turning to march up the stairs with her box.

“Make sure you keep that door shut, Quelisa.” The annoyed expression of the rogue deepened as another, lighter knock sounded at the door. “Quelisa, I do believe we have another visitor!”

“Can’t you open it Vora?!” The mage set the crate down on the stairs, the crystal bottles clinking together. Once sure her precious potions were safe, she practically ran down the stairs and to the door, putting on her best fake expression of sadness.

“Hello! And how are you today?” The goblin’s voice was all too cheery for the mood of those inside the house, her bright aqua hair all too vivid.

“Ah, well, not so good….” Her voice was laced with a fake melancholy, lowering her eyes to the floor. She had caught Taye standing around the corner of the house to her left, despite his best efforts to remain unseen. “Are you the priest we asked for then?”

“Yup, that’s me! I’m deeply sorry for your loss…” The goblin trailed off, the cheery attitude she had displayed before quickly having changed to one of sympathy.

“Good, good. Come in then, we have much to discuss.” She ushered the small priest into the house, closing and locking the door behind her.

“Yes, let’s talk payment then. “The goblin settled into one of the chairs, her sympathetic disposition replaced with an all-business attitude.

“Ah of course, it’s right here.” The mage, nodded to the large sack of gold on the table. Pushing it over to the goblin. Opening the large sack, the goblin began to count the gold inside, stacking the coins ten at a time on the table.

“Now, what was it you wanted to talk about, Miss Dawnblade?” She lifted her blue eye to the elf, offering another sympathetic smile.

“Well, we’re expecting a certain visitor, at least –I- am and something may go wrong, said visitor may become suspicious….so I wanted to discuss with you matters of the mind. Just what exactly are you capable of? Let’s say, if money wasn’t an obstacle for me?”

“I can assure you, for the right price, I am –very- capable.” She cracked a wide smile, satisfied with the amount of gold in the sack, the coins clinking together as she placed them back in. “Now, what exactly are you asking for, Miss Dawnblade? “

“Yes, well let’s take you up to Lyrilia and I’ll show you. Vora, Can you answer the door if anyone comes?”

“Of course, Quelisa.” The rogue’s tone was icy, her face cold. She was sure she wouldn’t approve of whatever would be going on up there, if Quelisa was going to do what she thought she was.

And she was right. But Quelisa would never tell her what she was going to do.

From the pages of the Journal of Cyaer Sunblaze:

I awoke to the most beautiful face of an angel this morning, my lovely Kel'tira. Just seeing her as she walked towards me, caused my eyes to water and my heart to ache. I had thought I would never see her again, and having her here before me, I got emotional.

All of those terrible moments of the past few days came rushing at me all at once, that it threatened to overwhelm me, as she sat down at the side of the bed I was laying on. She smiled, and said hi. I smiled and returned her greeting, and my facade of being nonchalant broke apart.

What can I say, I needed her so much at that moment, I threw my arms around her waist, I needed to be anchored to her, to just have her close, and I wept on her shoulder like a little baby. And she wrapped her arms around me. All those emotions rushed over me, and I sobbed against her. Her embrace and touch felt comforting, yet somewhere within me the words and feelings came forth, claiming that I had failed her, failed her so very miserably.

She shushed me, and told I hadn't failed her in any way, but as we continued to talk, we decided that blame could not be put on either of us, and we promised to stop the blame game. And I also promised her that I would not let this abduction, and what occurred rule me.

I finally settled down, and we held each other a moment, when I finally had to ask if she had anything to eat. I had not eaten since I sat with her before a fire, nibbling on chicken offered by my love, Kel'tira, with a little wine to wash it down with, in Gilneas. I was famished, and devoured an apple she brought out, making a mess, its sweet juice dribbling down my chin.

I looked at the one who holds my heart, and saw she was tired. I asked her to lie down with me to rest, to just rest a bit...and I kissed her sweet lips. And we wrapped our arms around each other, and fell asleep that way.

Together we will get through this, and I know that Kel will have insights that will help me to get over it. I won't ever forget it, but together, we will learn to live with it. She is an amazing woman, my dear sweet Kel'tira. I don't know what I would be able to do if I didn't have her in my life. My heart keeps finding new ways to love and appreciate her and her loving care.

From the journal pages of Cyaer Sunblaze:

I let her sleep, as I quietly dressed and sat looking down into the face of my beloved Kel'tira. I reached out to move a few errant hairs away from her face, and tucked them behind her ear, just as I had seen her do a hundred times before. I softly caressed her cheek with the back of my fingers, and I felt my breath catch, as I gazed upon her.

I remembered our brief discussion of her thoughts on her beauty, but at that moment, I saw her through a lover's eyes, and she was magnificent in her rest. I saw her, and all those imperfections she was so quick to point out, but I also saw the beauty of the woman she is, the essence and persona of Kel'tira Sunblaze, and I was captivated by her. She looked like an angel laying there. My angel, my Kel'tira.

I was reluctant to leave her side, however I had a special treat I wanted to surprise her with, and need to go fetch it. I bent down and kissed her soft cheek tenderly, and left her. I literally raced to the flight master to go to the Temple of the Two Moons.

I made my purchases, and raced back to prepare her surprise, and to just be by her side. I found that old adage to be true as I waited and quietly paced for a pot of water to boil. Finally, all was prepared, and I set it on the floor at the foot of the bed waiting.

I watched her sleep, and saw she was truly sleeping, a restful sleep, and no torment from the nightmares. I smiled and prayed to the light to continue to protect her from them. She was such a dynamic warrior of the light, and yet she is so frail, and I want to protect her as best as I can from all those things that would harm her in this world.

As she stirred and awoke from her slumber, I stood beside the bed with my surprise for her. And I caught her first smile of the day as she looked up at me holding the tray in my hands. I removed the napkin covering the tray, and presented her with scones and tea. Again I cherished the delight in her eyes, and I sat with her on the bed, eating the sweet soft biscuits and sipping the hot tea.

We talked, and she spoke to me of the depth of her love and caring for me. I was overcome, as I have always knew that she loved me, but to have her express it to me in words, well, it was just so precious to me, I cried tears of joy. And she leaned over and kissed those tears away. My love for her surpasses my understanding, I only know I want to be by her side for as long as she will have me...forever.

Alenthis stood about a hundred yards away from the house, staring at it. Azurick stood quietly beside him, dressed in black dress robes. Alenthis wore a dark tuxedo with a dead rose tucked into his pocket. Neither of them were armed, besides Azurick's magic and neither of them had spoken that day. Alenthis coughed slightly. "This is it." Azurick nodded and silently took a step forward. Alen followed.

The path crunched beneath their feet as they approached the solemn house. Azurick frowned slightly. "Are they going to let us in?"

Alenthis didn't look at him as he answered. "They'll let me in. Though her cousin despises magic. You'll have to wait outside." His brother nodded in silent understanding.

They came to a halt in front of the wooden doors. Alen reached out his hand. And paused. "Azurick...I can't do it...I can't see her like this. She died because of me...I don't want to see what she loo-" Knock, Knock, Knock.

Azuricks hand echoed against the wood. "Apologies brother, but sometimes we must do things we don't want to do. Out of principle." Alenthis glared daggers at his brother but didn't speak. He knew deep down that Azurick was right.

The door opened and an icey-eyed Rogue stood there for a moment, eying the two. "You must be Alenthis." She spoke harshly. Her voice dripped of hostility and distrust. Her eyes fell to Azurick's robes. "You. Wait out here." She slammed the door shut for a moment. Alenthis could hear shuffling and muffled voices inside and after several minutes the door opened again. "Come Death Knight, and see what you've brought on your 'Lover.' And you, Sir Mage, can wait right here." Alenthis winced at the jab and nodded for Azurick to wait outside.

The house was dressed for a funeral. Flowers and colorful plants lay about the room. Pictures of Lyrilia covered the walls. And the ominous silence of depression clung to the air. The rogue led Alen through the house. They passed a study, with a man glaring angrily out of it at Alen. At last they reached a closed door. Vora knocked lightly. "He's here."

((Part 1))

The door swung open. Lyrilia's body lay on the bed in the middle of the room. A dark centerpiece. The woman who could only be Quelisa stood next to the bed, alongside a goblin priest. A little girl sat quietly on the other side of the room, staring at Lyrilia's body. That must be her neice...

Quelisa nodded to the goblin priest who nodded politely at Alen and exited the room. Vora stood at the door watching quietly. The little girl spied Alen and slid out of her chair. The child Lyrilia had always described as playful and hyper...was quieted. "Are you her Death Knight?" the little girl asked, a sad smile on her face. Alenthis blinked a tear away and squatted down to her level.

"I was. Yes." The little girl looked over him, smiling. Alenthis patted her on the head. "You know. Out of everyone in the whole world...I think Lyrilia loved you the most."

The little girls eye widened. "More than you?"

The Death Knight swallowed. "More than me." The little girl smiled as wide as a child can smile and hugged the death knight. Alenthis hugged her back. "I'm sorry for what happened to her. I'm so, so sorry." The little girl patted his back re assuredly.

An icy firm grip slammed down on Alens shoulder. Quelisa smiled at the little girl. "Run along sweety. Go play with Vora for a little while!" The little girl nodded slightly and walked to the door. The rogue took her hand and nodded to Quelisa. She shut the door firmly behind her, locking it in place. Quelisa whirled on Alenthis, giving him a dark grin. "Do you see what happens when something like you tries to feel? The people around you die, Death Knight. No matter what you do, you'll nev-hmph!" Alenthis waved a hand at her and her mouth froze shut. He stomped his foot and a dark shadow crept along the floor, encasing her feet in Ice. Alenthis approached the woman, who glared defiantly at him.

"The only reason you are still living is because Lyrilia wouldn't want me to butcher you." He leaned in close, his breath fogging the ice. "But don't push me." And with that Alenthis turned from her and walked to the bed.

He sat down lightly next to Lyrilia's corpse. A tear streamed down the side of his face. "I'm sorry Lyri...I'm so sorry." Alenthis scooped her body up in his arms and cradled her. He kissed her forehead and wept quietly. He apologized for anything he'd ever said to make her angry...and spoke to her of what he had wanted for their future. After several minutes had passed, Alen heard a soft sound. He glanced up at Quelisa. The ice around her feet and mouth was melting. He gently set Lyrilia back into the bed, exactly how she had been. He gazed down at her one final time. "I love you Lyrilia. I always will..." He chocked down a sob and turned to leave. He stopped next to the woman and glared at her. "I will keep tabs on this family. And if I so much as hear a whisper that Lyrilia's niece has been corrupted by you. I will personally return to this house and kill you in the most violent and despicable ways possible. Then I'll tear your soul from your body and raise you as a mindless slave, doomed to obey my every whim for all eternity until the ages turn my body to dust." He spat directly into the womans face and then slammed open the door. He stalked down the stairs and exited the house. Azurick approached from behind a tree and nodded to Alen.

A startled scream echoed from inside the house and Azurick giggled at Alenthis. "Time to go?"

Alenthis glanced back at the house and wiped the final tear from his eye. He turned and nodded solemnly at Azurick. "Time to go." Azurick unrolled the carpet and set it on the ground, snapping his fingers. The carpet sprung to life and lifted into the air, carrying Azurick and Alenthis Bloodreaver back to Silvermoon City.

((Part 2))

A red journal, bound by a gold rope. A name is printed in gold on the front..Aseria Sunblade

It's been a while...and my journal is almost full. Not so much full of words, but drawings and art works I did to express my life and who I shared it with. A lot of it is with Kel, The Nutter, and perhaps other members of the Fellowship...past and still alive...

I'm not proud. I'm not proud of the things I've done, or what I am.

I'm not proud at the fact that I hurt many...and still get the glares and looks as if I was still a insane, blood thirsty killer...

Perhaps I still am, only my energy is directed more at my enemies than friends.

I will never be the same, I will never be the same old Ash I was when I was a novice mage and joining the Fellowship, before i was corrupted by Krystala, before...All of this even happened.

I...am dieing. The Depression, the Despair... I was walking Sha bait...and on my way to retrieve items from a home I rented out during my stay, I noticed my Depression suddenly take a turn for the worst. I almost killed myself. Twice. One of them in front of Kel. Slowly my mind has brought up dark and horrible thoughts, thoughts that I never thought I would have to think about.

Even now, I notice my skin turn pale...and not because of loss of blood or some sort of Illness...no, that is the Sha slowly beginning to turn me...it's only a matter of time now before it full takes hold.

However, my work is not yet over, I still have time...and there is one more...maybe two..or even three more things I have to do before my life comes to an end.

These would be notes to those amongst the Fellowship

Kel'tira. Dear loving Kel'tira.

You, are strong, brave, loyal, noble...you are a born leader. You have suffered much, I'm sure, and watching my in this crippling state probably doesn't help, but it is a fate I will never escape. I will be watching over you and the rest of the Fellowship, I will never leave your sides, if you wish to speak to me...you will know how, in times to come. For now, however, I leave you this, my journal, and may you read it to the Fellowship so they can hear what I have to say, for I feel I owe it to them for me being able to reach as far as I have...

Take care of yourself, Kel'tira. Light bless your pure heart many times over.

Nutter...though fine, I'll use Cyaer. I'm dieing anyway.

You're a good man, a good friend, and like Kel, have faced much suffering in your life...specially after loosing your beloved wife. Kel has told me about your feelings for her, in fact it was quite obvious when I was corrupted by Krystala. You take care of that woman, keep her and yourself out of trouble, and help her when ever I'm not able. Be the candle that lights her way through the darkest of hours, I'm sure you two will live happy and joyful lives in the times to come.

Auxi.

Though most of our encounters have not exactly been...pleasant, I still think you are an amazing person. You're quick and to the point (In my eyes anyway), and you look after Kel and the Fellowship with pride. Keep it up, I'm sure your efforts have great rewards later on in your life.

Sol (If you're ever around to hear this).

Look after Auxi, look after Kel, look after the Fellowship. Don't be an idiot.

And to the rest of the Fellowship, to those I've might not have met, to those that have potential. The Fellowship...I feel, is a family. It requires others to look out for one another, it requires people to keep it in check, and to work together to over come great obsticals. Kel is a good leader, follow her, and may your hearts be pure. My trust is with you.

This continues onto the last page of Ash's journal

And to my family...if they are ever to hear about my death, I want to tell them that I am sorry. In a way, my situation is the same as Lia...this illness, while with a cure, can not be stopped so easily. I cannot begin to describe how sorry I am, to all of you, for the shame I brought with my corruption. If it weren't for Lia and the Fellowship, I'd still be in that crazed and messed up state I was then.

I will be joining Lia, and with her I will watch over you. Send Nirana my love, and all my hugs, tell her I will miss her.

And so...here is the final chapter of Aseria Sunblade, the Pyromancer and Pyromaniac...User of Blue Flame. Now there is another thing I must do.

Signed...

Aseria. *A drawing of the Fellowship she managed to put together would be wedged into the pages. Drawn in charcoal and ink*

Aseria closed the journal, the florescent blue quill vanishing from her hand. Sighing, she placed the journal down gently next to her, binding it with the golden rope before staring out over the Vieled Stair's mist covered hills. A sound of that of rushing wind could be heard behind her, but she didn't turn, she knew who it was.

Krystala Dawnshadow, the Elven Witch.

"I'm surprised you out of all people called me here, Aseria Sunblade...decided to rejoin me after all?" The small girl would say, giggling in a sadistic yet gleeful manner. "No." The magi said in a plan and blunt tone "I don't plan to rejoin you...I wish to speak with you." The Witch walked over to sit down beside the Pyromancer, following her gaze "Oh really...well speak then, for it is my curiosity that prevents me from tormenting you after what you and your Fellowship did..."

Ash pulled up the long sleeve of her robe, revealing her now pale skin. Krystala didn't need to guess on what was happening, she noticed the aura easily. "I'm already dieing, Krystala...but before I do, there are some things I wish to discuss with you." Ash would say, letting the sleeve fall. The small Witch raised a brow at the mage "Is that so? Do tell then." Ash didn't say anything for a few moments, then spoke "I understand you wish to seek your revenge...and for this, I give you your chance...soon enough the Sha will take over me and I will be nothing but a mindless killing machine once more fueled by despair...I want you, and will let you, end my life...at a cost."

Kry listened intently, thinking of what ways the mage wanted her to end her pittyful life "I'm listening..."

"I want you to promise....-Promise.Me-...you will not lay a finger on any member of the Fellowship"

"Oh ho!" The Witch turned, grinning up at the woman "So demanding...tell me, what if I just kill you now? I cou--" "I can scream pretty loud, Krystala, and given how close we are to the Black Prince, I'm sure his body guards will know 'exactly' what to do with a crazed Elven Witch like you. Infact, I doubt it would be hard to kill you if I were in their or even the Black Princes shoes."

Kry shut her mouth instantly, turning away to hide her face with her long locks of ebony hair "A twang of fear cross your mind, Krystala? Good, for it will probably happen again...in times later on."

"You have a deal, you blasted mage...anything else you want? Flowers? A cup of tea?.." Kry grumbled, crossing her arms over her chest. Ash smiled, she never seen Krystala in such a state before...it amused her "I want you to make sure that the Fellowship gets my journal...it will open only for Kel or Cy...do that for me, would you?"

"Why don't you just get a monk to come remove the bloody thing?" the Witch asked, turning to raise a curious brow at the mage. Ash remained silent for a long time, Kry almost thought she didn't have an answer before she spoke again "It's beacuse you know when your line in the road ends....this is mine. Now do you promise?" The Witch stared at the magi for a good long moment "Fair enough, Ash...I'll do this for you..."

Aseria smiled "Good...now I have at least hours on my side...there are a few more things I wish to discuss with you before I allow you to finish me. I hope you have nothing 'important' to do.."

The two would then sit there, speaking. Aseria knew that it would be the last time she'd ever look across the land of the living again...and regardless who she was with...she tried to enjoy it for as much as she can.

Lyrilia...

Aseria...

Lyrilia is dead, and Aseria may be soon to follow. I don't want to face the reality of the fact that two of the people I care about are dead and dying. Light knows I will do everything I can to save Ash. I owe her that much.

Although, might it not be a blessing of sorts to let her die? I understand her more than she thinks I do. Far more. But I want her alive still.

Selfish Kel'tira.

Nonetheless, I will do what I can to either spare her from the Sha, or make the process easier on her. I will not, I refuse to, let her go through this alone. I know she is alone. She hardly lets anyone earn her trust.

I wish she would.

I wish I could take back my mistakes.

I wish I could have apologized to Lyri.

(Tears mar the page)

I wish I knew what to do.

I wish I could just move on...

I wish part of me was not still trapped in a cave.

And while I am wishing, I wish Terrence would stop eating rocks and my tabards.

I wish Cy had not gone through what he has. I wish he had not been forced to endure that. I should never have left. I should have been able to find him sooner.

I love him. More than I think I had realized. It would have killed me to have my heart torn apart again. And although I've always half-hoped someone would one day understand what I feel about Velin? Now I don't.

It strikes me as strange, sometimes, just how far out of our way we are willing to so often go for the people we care about. And now I know what it really is to regret something I wished with all my heard. Now I know what it is to fall into the darkness that follows me, and to live with it for months before pulling myself out, not for myself, but for someone else. And now I think I might know the path out of that pit of misery, but it still escapes me, still follows me, nipping at my heels as if to drag me down into its depths.

And there are still nights I wake up screaming. Still nights I spend awake, frightened of the terrors sleep might contain. I am far from all right, and I believe I will continue to meet with Luc, but I am also far from the woman who would have stepped off of a cliff those months ago. Far from the woman who let herself fall from a balcony. Far from the woman whose actions led to a choice for her lover that ended with -his- jump. I am not who I once was.

I have my Cy back. I have him, and just as I have him, he has me. When I wake up, screaming, he is there, with strong arms and gentle words. Just as I know I will be there for him, she ha have his own nightmares. I thought I might have learned from how hard it hurt to lose Nic, that maybe love is not worthwhile, but I am, in the end, glad I have not.

Mistakes are what we learn from. Not that I think Nic was a mistake, not by any means. I love him still... and miss him terribly. But mistakes shape us. I would not be where I am today had I not been able to deal with the pain such as I have. It makes us stronger, and to some extent, more confident in ourselves, knowing what we have endured.

And Cy... Cy knows that I love him. He knows, too, that I have been through what he has. I am overly qualified to help him, to help us both, through this. I do not know where we will end up when we are through with this. I do know that unless his mind works so entirely differently than mine, there will be nightmares, and there will be tears. And I wish to know end that the only thing that has helped me was not the hardest thing to do.

Talking.

In my experience, trauma, be it physical, emotional, or both, tends to induce a desire to internalize pain. To cling to our past and our pain. We deal with pain differently, but silence seems to be universal. I have spent a lot of time lately burying myself in my work. It is perhaps an issue, but from it I have learned.

((1/2))

Life and death are like two sides of a coin, one arises from the other, and one brings about the other. My Light does both. I do both. I have faith in my abilities, choices, and the Light. I have faith in myself, which is one of the most important things I can do for myself, as a paladin.

But I digress. In my work as healer, I have seen misery, pain, and death a plenty. I know that for the most part, the best thing for something that eats at you mind and has hurt you mentally is simple speech. Simple words that can be nearly impossible to find. Impossible to speak aloud. Painful to speak aloud. And yet, from experience, both my own and others', it helps. It helps a great deal if you can shake off the pain and press through it. Talking of memories you have locked away releases them.

It hurts, that drawing out, but tears are alright. Tears are nothing to be ashamed of. The pent-up tension has to be released -somehow-.

It is all right to cry. It is all right to need to not be alone. It is all right to not be okay.

It is all right to not be okay.

It is all right to need or want help.

The trick is realizing that.

I know how hard it is to admit you need help. I have been in the exact position Cy is in. I simply was alone. I did not deal with it very well, either. I have the scars to prove it. I will always have the scars to prove it. And I will not let Cy face this alone, just as I will not let Ash face her issues alone. I wish I could ease their pain. Two of the people I care about most, and they know that, if I could, I would shoulder their pain for them. That I would gladly take their pain, mental and physical, and bear it for them.

It breaks my heart to see them like this. It hurts to watch them struggle, and be unable to do anything for either of them. In my heart, I know that I am doing all that I can for Cy, simply by being here for him. But Ash... I feel like I am failing her, as I failed Lyri in letting her go off on her own. Look where that got her. Dead.

And Auxi... I realize I have placed her in a very difficult position. She is likely stuck between Sol and I. I will not force her to choose between her husband and myself. Although honestly? I am not certain I can give Sol a second chance. He said some things I am not sure I can forgive him for. But for Auxi, if it comes to that. I would choose to try to make up with Sol, for her sake, and for the sake of our friendship.

I fear I have failed all too much as of late, and I worry I need to brace myself for more loss.

((2/2))

From the journal of Cyaer Sunblaze:

The dreams, or rather the nightmares, assail me while I gather myself in rest. She torments me deeply, the rogue, with a heavy appetite for torture and pleasure. And I despise myself for allowing her to control me, my body betrayed me, and in its betrayal to me, it betrayed Kel'tira.

It is hard to move past that, betraying the love I have for Kel, with the tortures brought on to me by the rogue. How do I reconcile that I allowed it to happen, and that in a small dark corner of my being I may have enjoyed it? Or is that a mechanism of my mind to allow me to go on? I feel as though bringing it up, merely recaptures the pain I felt, the anguish of my mind in not wanting to enjoy it, and yet the sensations I felt that brought me undeniable pleasure.

A part of me wants to be alone. Fishing, and forgetting, though I don't think I will ever forget. A part of me was stolen, or broken...and yet I have promised not to allow this to rule me. I want to cry...to cry for that loss of confidence; to cry for that which was broken, my spirit; and to cry for that part of me that should never ever have been sullied, my manliness, my being who and what I am.

I am and have always been a man. Yet, now there is this weakness in me that threatens to take me sliding down into a depth of despair that I am almost willing to accept, rather than to show this weakness to the woman I love. For to appear weak in her eyes, and to find I am less than a man in her eyes, Kel'tira deserves better than this. In my heart I am willing to bet that Nicias never cried before her, or held on to her as he felt his own self sinking beneath the waves of self pity and doubts.

There are two more paragraphs that seem to have been written, but tears have ruined the ink, and they appear to be only deep blue water stains than any form of the witten word.

From the pages of Cyaer Sunblaze's journal:

I met Kel'tira on a grassy plateau as she had something to give me, then she handed me a sealed letter from Aseria aka Ash. And my heart stopped. I remembered finding her dead body on the Veiled Stairway, with Kel and Solorin in attendance also. And how that little witch had reached out to us to take Ash's remains back home.

I felt saddened by Aseria's death, and only wished I had known her better. I know her death affected Kel deeply, and I was there to comfort her momentarily. We took Ash's remains to be with her sister. And I was amazed and stunned by what took place. While it was deeply personal, I can only say she is better off where she is now, as the sha has no hold over her anymore.

At Kel'tira's request, Solorin and I left her there to allow her to grief as she wished. And I was not really surprised when she sought me out later. We talked, we ate, then we layed down to sleep under the stars. I held Kel close to me, and comforted her.

She has been deeply affected by the recent deaths in the Fellowship, she feels each loss intensely, for she so loves each member in the Fellowship, and cares for them so closely.
Sometimes I think the Fellowship forgets how deeply they are entertwined in Kel's psyche, and how she wants only good things and rich lifes for them all.

And I am beginning to feel the same for each one of them, my thoughts refreshed on how each is a member of not just a simple guild, but a part of a family. And when one of us hurts, it affects us all. At least that's the way it should be...

My Kel'tira is such a part of me, and I feel her hurt, and I feel her pain. And I wish some how I could take them upon myself, so she could rest, and sleep. To take the nightmares, and give her sound rest...to let her recuperate from the obstacles and normal daily occurances we all have, without the access burdens she places upon herself. To give her a peace of mind.

But I cannot, so I remain close to her, comfort her when she needs it, and try to understand the afflictions that assault her - mentally and physically continually. I lose myself in her and give her all of myself that I can. For I love her more than myself. And it pains me when I see her tortured by doubts and fear.

I am here, my love, by your side, always. And you are always in my thoughts, prayers, and my heart.

The Journal pages of Azmos:

I have been remiss in returning to my duties of the Horde, as I have a home, a real home for myself here in Honeydew Village. I am respected and revered here, as well as loved by a certain innkeeper. I am finding that the Pandarens are a gentle people, even though they can defend themselves quite handily.

The missive I received from the Horde told me to get in line, and do my duty to the warchief. And I tore it up and threw it into the fire. I will resume my journey, in my own good time, warchief be damned!

I slept well in the arms of Kiki, her body was warm and we held each other close deep into the night. I have never felt such affection, and love from someone before. Indeed, ever. Has this been the catalyst that has begun to change me from a medic and priest of the Horde to a Pandaren doctor? If so, it has been a long time in coming, and I feel closer to people than I ever have, an almost kinship to all living beings.

And thus my reluctance to proceed for my warchief. I do not want to make war, but instead make love. Is this so hard of a concept? What is happening to me? My House would disown me if they knew...not that I care any longer. Pandaria is a part of me, it is in my blood, and I am okay with that.

A tall man sat in front of a fire. His elbows rested on the arms of the leather chair and his fingers were folded on his chest. The fire light danced off his long, glossy honey colored hair and polished boots. His clothing was well tailored, but at the moment his shirt was partially unbuttoned—a concession to the privacy of his personal study. Somewhere in the large house his brother and sister-in-law were arguing… they were always arguing, while the mother of the woman sat in her private quarters and scowled at the wall.

This was not how his life was supposed to have ended up. He sighed and picked up a glass of water—a mundane drink of choice, but one that allowed him to keep a level head. He was not a heavy drinker—wine with dinner or a glass with friends was all he cared for.

No, this was not how it was supposed to have ended up at all.

Eltaor Silverbow, an old sin’dorei patriarch, watched with satisfaction as a woman with long brown hair—his granddaughter and heir to his estates signed the document, writing her name in triplicate. She didn’t look too happy but that didn’t concern him. What he was interested in was the large amount of money that the wealthy nobleman was willing to pay as a bride price. Certainly, it was an outdated and old fashioned agreement, but with his estate coffers empty and facing financial and social ruin, it was one he was quick to bid for.

And Lythan, currently lord of the House of Brightsummer, was willing to pay the price.

The man in question was watching her sign the documents with baited breath while his two brothers stood back, scowling. Once the deed was done, he requested some time alone with his future bride. Eltaor didn’t care and waved her off towards him. She had done her duty as far as he was concerned and as long as the wedding took place, he didn’t much care what else happened to her.

Lythan tapped a finger on the water glass, a frown marring his features as he brought himself back to the present. Eltaor didn’t care much about anything except himself, selling his granddaughter—the only child of his eldest son who had died in the scourge attack—to a man he barely knew was nothing to him. Eltaor had lost both his sons in the attack, leaving two grandchildren and a daughter-in-law. Lythan wasn’t certain if the old man ever mourned their deaths.

When she had disappeared, he had been told by her aunt that she had run away. She had changed her mind and wanted nothing to do with him. The aunt had offered her daughter instead, but he turned the offer down. Arrangements were drawn up so she could marry his middle brother. It wasn’t until much later that he was told that his bride had been killed and he was able to put the pieces together.

He had mourned her. Angry at what had happened, angry that he had been lied to. Angry until he had seen her. Her hair was much shorter, she was more self-assured, and she had looked at him for a moment, no recognition in her eyes before turning away. It had taken more digging to finally unearth everything. She had no recollection of anything. Perhaps that was for the best… not remembering just how poorly her family had treated her.

He had stood back, thinking that he would allow her to grow into the new person she wanted to be. He wouldn’t remind her of the contract. He would befriend her, step into her life, earn her trust… but then she had proven to be quite elusive. He lost track of her and when she surfaced again, she was with another man. It tore him in two to see her happy and smiling, he could have easily stepped in between them, stopped the marriage but he didn’t. Instead, he turned and walked away, willing to leave her to her happiness, content to watch from afar.

When her Aunt, Hhoria, suggested that they reach out to her, let her know that she had family, he agreed. Hhoria suggested that she take one of the stewards with her… she would be less intimidated if approached by a woman, and she would explain everything. Then, should she be willing, he could then come and talk with her. The plan sounded reasonable. Surely she was curious about her past?

What made him decide to reach out again? To travel to Pandaria for the opportunity to see her, speak with her? Perhaps he wanted to let her know who he was to her, wish her happiness… make himself miserable…

Whatever reservations he was left with needed to be put aside as plans were already in motion. Hhoria and a handful of people were on their way to Pandaria to find her and speak with her, but he held no illusions that she would actually leave her current life.

He spoke her name, knowing that she was no longer that person. She had a new name now, one she chosen for herself and he wondered what meaning it had to her. “Auxilia…”

Hhoria Silverbow watched the bustling market with disinterest. She wasn’t much interested in the happenings, preferring to send someone else out to rub elbows with the rabble. Here in Pandaria was no different than anywhere else—noisy jostling and banter rang out across the muddied area in a disjointed song of buying and selling.

She wasn’t here to buy anything, but her niece was—and it was her niece that concerned her. The damned woman refused to die, despite her best efforts.

It had been a simple matter really, for Hhoira to marry the eldest son of the Silverbow house, but he had picked another and eager for a union with her family, the greedy patriarch had offered up his second son to her. She had been forced to accept, her family needing the money that they presumed the Silverbows had. Both houses, in fact, turned out to be broke.

When the brothers died in the scourge attack, she found herself free to move from the Silverbow house to one more profitable, but it had proved difficult as the sagging fortunes of their family slowly became known. To make matters worse, her daughter, the one that would see to her comfort, was not in line to inherit the family name. Her niece bore that dubious honor, but it was something that drew the eye of larger houses, hungry for acquisition of land, the one thing that the Silverbows had.

When Brightsummers became interested in a union, she had been forced to stand by and watch as her niece was literally put up for sale. While she was immensely happy that it wasn’t her daughter bearing the indignity, it did nothing to relieve them of Silverbow. So once the deal was struck, she devised and carried out a plan to kill her father-in-law and her niece. Fortunately, a mishap in troll territory was easy enough to engineer to care of the niece and poisoning the old patriarch was quite a simple matter as well.

With both out of the way and a contract for marriage up in the air, she simply suggested that Lord Brightsummer take her daughter as wife. Much to her dismay, he refused and arranged a marriage to one of his brothers. It was not what she had wanted, but at least it allowed them to move into his house.

Matters had been fine until the day that her niece turned up and even worse, that Lian realized that she was still alive. Hhoria paniced and hired an assassin to see to the demise of her niece. He had failed. She disappeared again shortly after and Lian seemed to let the matter go, until she realized that he had been surreptitiously watching her. As it stood now, her daughter would inherit the title… if Lian married her niece, then all of that would fall through. And unlike her father-in-law, Lian would not be an easy man to take down.

So she turned her attention back to her niece, someone she considered an easier target. She would see to it personally that the woman died.

“The silk farm—apparently she had something made. I also have made the arrangements for Townlong.”

Hhoria smiled as her personal steward walked up from the throng of buyers and seller—she had left the one that Lian offered to send back in Orgrimmar. “Well, then, let’s welcome my niece to the family, shall we?”

Cyaer is dreaming -

She worn nothing but a smile, and carried several vials with her, and I knew what was coming. She had done this before with me, several times, and I just wanted to crawl away and die within myself. She set the vials down on the table, except one, and she removed the stopper from it. As she drank the contents down, I closed my eyes, waiting for the "fun" to begin.

Instead she began to untie my bonds, and even as my left hand was loose, I felt moved to lie there. I fought it, I tried to fight it, but my body was not my own, or should I say my mind was not my own, as both hands were free and I simply laid there. As she untied my feet, her hands caressed me and I shuddered at her touch.

She handed me a vial to open and to drink, and my thought was to throw it at the wall behind her, and watch its contents stain the rock. Instead, I opened the vial and swallowed the sweet liquid contained within it. She smiled at me, as the magic began to control me.

I was a man. A virile man, and saw a woman smiling at me. She wanted me, I could smell it on her, and I arose to take her in my arms. Her warmth and smooth skin excited me, and I wanted her, and I lay her upon the same table I had only moments before been tied to. I saw her drink another vial, and smelled the air. She was ready to mate, to bear my children, and again I was more excited than I had ever been.

I lost track of how long I was in that state, I only know when I fell asleep from all the exertions, I felt the ropes begin to be tied about my arms and legs again. And a single tear fell as I lost consciousness.

Controlled and used for her own sick entertainment, and I was powerless. I wanted to die, just to be away from it all...and I thought of my Kel'tira, and I tried to stay strong, to keep her in my heart where that woman could never reach her. And I was wrong again, so very wrong.

The young rogue found himself anxious for some reason as he awoke. The dream still filled his thoughts, and he wiped his eyes in the hope to erase the dream from his mind for now, and completely from his thoughts forever.

He sighed, then lay his head on the pillow, and tried to sleep...those thoughts again slowly creeping back into his dreams..

From the pages of my journal:

I have tried to remain strong, to let Kel'tira know I am alright, and all is good and well in the world...and I forgot just how well she knows her lover, and his moods. Besides she herself has gone through this, and has an inkling of how I feel and what doubts and fears will assail me, including the dreams.

So my acting all was right with the world was easily seen through, and we went to a nice warm and dry inn to relax, and talk. And I did the talking, she did the listening. Actually, it was more of a discussion, as she would give me insights into why I was feeling the way I felt, and that helps me come to a better understanding of what happened. Acknowledging that my feelings are okay, but need to be expressed so as to release the tension and hold these images and dreams have over me, or I allow to have on me.

I know there are some hidden feelings of shame and failure within myself, and they make me hesitate to be that man I used to be...the man I am...and to be more intimate with my lady love, Kel'tira. I am weak and inadequate, and not worthy of her love...and it affects where we are right now.

We have held each close, and lain together in sweet repose, our bodies so near to keep us warm. And we have kissed softly and gently each others lips...but I find I miss those moments of passion and desire. Honestly, I almost fear it, but yet, I crave it again. To just express our love in a more physical way...I don't want this occurance, and my abductor to have so much control of us, that we hold back. As Kel said before not allowing it to rule our lives, to learn from it, and to move on. I am anxious to move on...to get this behind us.

One other thing: I cannot help feel as though I am missing something, something very important, but I know not what it is. It keeps me a bit on edge and anxious. I feel it within my very being...what is it?

Morning arose on the Sin'dorei capitol of Silvermoon City with a golden hue. The many merchants and street vendors were just beginning to arise and prepare for another busy day, and the scent of the morning meal being prepped and cooking could be smelled on the light breeze that flowed through the streets and alleys.

The morning watch was making its changes, and several of the off duty guards had stopped and watched the lone figure at work in the training center of the Blood Knights. There were whispers and light conversations as they pointed at the many broken and destroyed training dummies that littered the center. The lone elf heard none of it, his mind and body in complete synchronation, and focus as he slashed and bashed the final four training dummies.

Cyaer's bronze upper body was glazed with a light sheen of sweat and the ends of his wet hair whipped about as he would strike one opponent with his sleek dagger, dodge another, and yet another received a deep slash from the hand weapon he used. His breathing was controlled and he crouched briefly before the last three dummies, before one last final assault.

He wore a simple pair of leather breeches and leather boots. His muscular chest was bare, as he sprang high into the air with weapons raised. The dagger met some small resistance before it sank deeper into the wood, the hand twisted and the head of the dummy fell off with slight pop. Even as that head came loose, the heavier hand weapon on his right hand sliced across another dummy's throat, and the head sagged forward. He landed softly on the sand flooring, then spun to deliver two quick and deadly attacks on the final dummy, it spine cracked and the form fell broken and destroyed.

Cyaer crouched before the ruined training models, and panted as he began to stand upright. That's when the applause and cheering hit him. He turned to find not just a few guards as he had thought, but several of the freshman and upper classmen of the new recruits for the Blood Knights standing around the training center. His face blushed as he walked towards the towel he had brought, then used it to wipe his face, hair, and torso of sweat. As he turned back to the students, several pushed close asking him questions about his techniques, and others of the female persuasion admired him, and he ducked his eyes to avoid their own. He begged off on any questions and whistled to bring his swift mount before him. As he climbed onto the sparkling stallion, her felt a hand reach out and caress his thigh and calf. And it took all of his resolve to keep from retching before departing.

As he entered the room he had purchased, Cyaer fell to his knees and felt his insides turn and twist within him. Memories rushed to his thoughts, and he was tied to a wooden table again, helpless and sick of the touches that made his skin crawl. And the young rogue lay his head on the floor, and cried.

Kreindis stood at the edge of a cliff on Sunstrider Isle. This place he had remembered, but he didnt know why. Kreindis sighed, "What is this place?" All he could see here was a pair of trees, the cliff, and ocean. "Maybe somethings in the trees? A note, or carving, or anything...?"

He looked around the larger tree first. Nothing. Then the smaller one, still nothing. Kreindis sighed. "Great... another dead end. Why cant I just... find her? Everything that would be a hint isnt being one. My journal was wrecked. The first place I remember, no help..." Kreindis thought on what to do for a while, and then remembered the one woman who told him that he had loved Tislina in life, so much he wanted to marry her.

Yes, he needed to find that woman. She could likely help him somehow..... if he could find her first.

The lone Sin'dorei man sat in a crossed leg fashion a top a rocky protrusion in the grassy plains of the Valley of the Four Winds. The rain beat steadily upon his face and body, as he sat completely still, breathing in through his nostrils, and exhaling through his mouth. In...out...in...out...in...out.

He was deep within himself, seeking out an answer to the annoying question that continually pressed his subconscious. His eyes were closed yet he never felt as close to the elements, the earth around him, and the very air he breathed. He could feel his heart beating in his chest.

He spent many hours reviewing the week he had been taken and captured by the female rogue Andrathia. Yes, his captor had a name now; he had pulled a favor that cost him highly, but now he knew her name. And he stood outside himself, as he watched those days go by, and the actions that occurred. And he came away from the experience with more knowledge than he had before, or could have remembered before.

Then he had met with his Kel'tira, and while he hesitated for a moment, he knew that with her love and deep caring for him, he would be able to overcome the torture and pain he had felt at the hands of Andrathia.

The love he saw within her eyes, the gentle touch of her hands and arms wrapped around his waist, and the soft kisses that they shared gave him the strength to combat those negative feelings. And most of all, those words that meant so very much to him each time he heard them come from her lips, simply, I love you.

The young rogue slowly stood, stretched, and looked out over the plains watching the grass dance with the wind. He took a deep breath, savoring the smell of his new home, Pandaria. The rain continued to fall steadily, and he stood beneath it with his arms held out wide, enjoying its cleansing drops of refreshing sweet water, and he smiled.

A hot bath, and some dry, clean clothes and armor, and Cyaer felt almost alive again. He ran his fingers through his long black hair, and thought about cutting his hair a little shorter. He glanced in the mirror, and shook his head, "No, it looks fine", and smiled to himself.

He flew to Two Moons, for he had some shopping to do, and there were portals to just about anywhere. As he sat in the Singing Tree inn, he enjoyed a cup of hot barley tea. He was in no hurry, and thought to take his time, and just splurge and take a day off.

The guildstone flared into static, then a voice that he had not heard for quite some time came over it. And he dropped and broke the mug of hot tea to the floor as she told him that she had his daughter. Daughter? What was she saying? He had no daughter, he had been with no one but his love, how...and then it came to him, and he jumped up and ran to the flight master for Two Moons.

He wasn't sure where to go, and he stood there stunned. As she went on and on about teaching her to hunt him down, to kill her own father...and his heart went cold. He needed to find her, he needed to find his child before this witch...and a hand touched his shoulder, and Cyaer turned. He felt the panic subside, as he looked into the face of a friend - Solorin Sunsorrow.

He literally begged for his daughter, but he remained calm as he looked into the eyes of the paladin that stood before him. Finally, he closed the stone, but not before he heard several of his family, his friends from the Fellowship pledge their help in getting her to him.

He leaned a moment on the strong paladin, then the rogue stood straight, and told Sol he needed to find Kel'tira, he had to tell her as soon as he could. Sol wasn't sure if that was a good idea. And the rogue shook his head, "I have never lied to Kel, and I have always been honest with her, I won't and can't start now." And Sol understood.

The rest of the evening and most of the next day were a blur to Cyaer as he kept thinking of his love, of Kel'tira, and how he would broach the subject, or even what he could or would say.

(1/2)