World of Warcraft®

((What follows roughly parallels a conversation that happened in the LO's OOC channel. I've altered it enough to make for, I hope, a better story.))

Nothing was out of the ordinary in the common room of the tower that so many members of the Ocheliad called home. Imperon was in his usual seat, nose buried in a book. Some Ocheliad were playing billiards, others were playing cards. A kaldorei named Aerowyn was asleep on one couch while Cerdiwyn and Sathrasa drew on his face with lipstick. Cyrus sat alone, sharpening his axe. All in all it was a pretty typical evening.

"I officially hate CRZ," said a dwarven member of the Ocheliad. Braze stalked into the room, shuddering as he did so.

"CRZ was released a month ago," Imperon said from behind his book. "It's taken you this long to learn to hate it?"

"No. But tonight was worse than ever before. I was leveling my new warlock through Elwynn and had to turn a quest in at Goldshire."

Some Ocheliad made faces. Others laughed. "It's not so bad if you turn off general chat. And /yell. And /say. And whispers." Cerdiwyn thought for a moment. "I think there's some other channels you should turn off for that zone, too. I just don't remember them."

The dwarf boosted himself up onto a nearby chair. "I shouldn't have to turn off most of my channels just to level a human through their one to ten zone. Maybe I should have made a gnomish warlock, I bet I wouldn't have gotten harassed then."

"If you'd gone to Goldshire as one you would have." Imperon set his book aside. "You'd have probably been propositioned for some 'family RP' or something equally Moonguardish."

"I know what propositioned means...but what's family RP? I've never heard of that."

Imperon paused for a moment before replying. "People role play as members of a family. You'll often see them looking around for gnomes to role play as the children. I don't know any details of how it works but considering the overall inanity of the public side of it I can only assume that it becomes X-rated once no one else is around."

"Yeesh!" Braze shuddered again. "Maybe I should have made a worgen."

"Pack RP...guess the details."

"Maybe I could make a mage instead...draenei? No, wait...boss, what's 'futa' mean?"

Imperon blinked in surprise"Why- no, nevermind, I don't want to know. Futa refers to a woman who's...erm, equipped like a man."

"Mother of God! Is anything safe in that town?"

"Not even the water," Imperon replied. "Although 'there's something in the water' might explain a great many things."

"Is there a command to ignore an entire server?"

"No."

The conversation might have continued, but at that moment another Ocheliad member, Bolwyfe, appeared in the common room. "Oh good, boss, I was looking for you. I was just on my death knight and I need some gear crafted. You have a blacksmith, don't you?"

"Yeah, I do. In fact, my death knight is my smith. Lemme log him in." Imperon vanished, to be replaced a moment later by the towering draenei known as Lyov.

Bolwyfe eyed Lyov suspiciously. "Lyov? That isn't a Welsh name. You always do Welsh names!"

((Continued))

"Nah," Lyov said. "This is a Russian name. It means lion, I think. I was going to name him Luka, which is supposed to mean the same thing but it was taken. That's why he's Luka Lyov in my MRP addon description."

"I see." There was a strange glint in Bolwyfe's eye a moment before hes aid. "I hope you weren't Russian into anything when you named him."

Alexithima, one of the Ocheliad's druids, perked up at the pun. "He wasn't. You know he has a Welsh of names to choose from."

"No, I just had a Lizt of names to Chekov is all," Lyov replied with a smirk.

Sigren appeared, seated on one of the couches. "I don't even know what this conversation is about, Imp, but that was an awful pun."

"Right," said Bolwyfe, ignoring Sigren's disapproval. "No sense Stalin on something like that." Cyrus groaned and buried his face in his hands as both Imperon and Alexithima laughed. The commander was no great fan of puns. Undeterred, Bolwyfe continued. "Plus, it's good to Marx things off your list."

"Don't worry about my list. Ukraine make your own, Bolwyfe." Lyov was similarly unwilling to cease the jokes, no matter how many of his officers hated them.

"I will kill both of you," Cyrus said, glaring at the two repeat punsters.

A little female gnome poked her head around the corner of the archway leading into the common room. While not actually Ocheliad, she was known to have business in the tower. Her name was Cup and she was very quick, even for a gnome. "Is this what I get for Chechen in with you guys," she said, loudly enough to be heard over the din in the room. Then she vanished again before Cyrus could turn his glare on her.

"Moscow get so worked up, commander," Bolwyfe asked.

"Aral we done yet, Bolwfye?" Lyov was unwilling to let anyone get the last word in a pun contest. "I think everyone else wants us to stop and we still haven't made you any gear. Just whisper me what you need."

"With a spork!" Cyrus was getting louder. "A spork! Do you hear me?"

"Oh Crimea river, Cyrus. We haven't even started in on the bad puns." To Bolwyfe the draenei said "You make a guy into one of your officers and he threatens to kill you over a pun. Well, that's Stalingraditude for you."

"A rusty spork," Cyrus said.

Lyov grinned. "Now you're just being Volga, Cyrus."

Bolwfye wasn't done, either. "I guess he's worried that if he admits to liking the puns he'll get a Rasputation, himself."

"Probably. Next thing you know he'll Bykalling us names or something."

That last pun had Cyrus glaring at Lyov, again. "I'm being lectured by the guy who can't figure out how to upload our summer vacation pictures to the LO forums."

Imperon, still on his death knight, rolled his eyes. "Then maybe you should Romanov to find someone else to bother, Cyrus. Meet me in Stormwind, Bolwyfe, I think I can make you some good gear. Ocheliad, don't forget we have that meeting with Pia in about forty-five minutes. Ural gonna be there, right?"

Sigren punched him.