World of Warcraft®

Excerpt 1:
It was a cold dreary day outside today, as much as I enjoy days like this, today came with a price. Today is the day my parents died all of those years ago, the day I signed my deal with the devil.

I'm a warlock by choice, that much is certain, it's not something that you are born into, or something some accident can cause, it's a deal you sign in blood, you know what you're getting into.

But more on point, today is the day 15 years ago I signed my deal. It's hard to believe it's been this long. I remember the day perfectly. It was a day quite like this, rainy and dreary, even back then I enjoyed it, but I also remember the sadness. There was a plague overtaking my small village, my parents were among the first victims. I was one of the few who were granted the gift of magic at birth, but I did not know what to do with it, no one else in my village had it, and my parents could not afford to send me to learn how to use it. I wanted to save them, I tried so hard to save them, but I could not. It was at that moment, the voices chimed in my head. "I can help you with your problem little girl. ... For a price that is. Nothing is free." I told him to name it, at that point I did not care what needed to be done, these were my people, my family. Growing up in a place like that, you know everyone, and everyone knows you. I couldn't just sit by and let them die. I couldn't. I would pay what the voice asked. Willingly and gladly. "I can show you how to use your power, channel it, to summon powerful creatures, and to save everyone you hold most dear to you" chimed the voice. "It can all be yours ... for a price." "WHAT IS YOUR PRICE", I screamed. "The little voice decided to answer me this time, "Oh nothing you can't live without". "I want your soul." I had a sinking feeling he was going to say that, but what could I do, everyone I had ever cared for was dying. How could I refuse? "I will pay your price" I told him. "I wouldn't be so hasty to make up your mind, girl, after all, you'll never get another chance, no way to get out of your deal. Are you sure?" said the demonic voice in my head. "I just want to save them, these are the people I love, I can't watch them die. I'm sure". I felt an immediate heat rising in me as the words left my lips. I tried to stop it, but it was too late the change had already taken hold. After the burning, I felt incredibly... empty, as if there was nothing inside anymore. I was a husk of my former self, but the power, the power was immense, I could feel it in every fiber of my being, the raw power coursing through my veins. I knew I could save them. I knew it. I began my work immediately.

There was so much to do. So many people to save. I had a long day ahead of me.

I said the spells the voice had taught me over everyone, I had saved them. Now All I had to do was wait. Seconds went by, then minutes, and finally hours, until I noticed something. None of them were getting better, in fact they had gotten worse. I began checking them. They all had fevers, they were sweating, and were clearly in pain. What had I done. I called out for the voice, but he was not there anymore. A shadow, a spectre, long gone. I realized I had done the unthinkable, this power I had, did not cause good and healing, but terrible destruction. The people were writhing in their beds, my parents.... They were all dying at an alarming rate, as if the agony had become more and more painful as time went on. I had not saved any of these people! I had doomed them to a slow and excruciating death.

The voice Laughed in my head. "be careful what you wish for..." I was furious. Hatred boiled in my veins, and I could feel it rising. Then there was the intense heat, as if every cell of my body had turned to fire. It was overtaking me. This rage. I could not control it. It burst forth from every pore in my body the seething hatred exploded out of me, in a storm of fire, I couldn't help but think what I had done, to my friends, my family, the hatred built until everything had burned, everything but me. That was the day I had learned the most important lesson in life. Nothing is free, everything has a price, usually a steep one. I had killed everyone I loved in my quest to save them. Enchanted by the words of a faceless voice, I had wrought destruction.

That was a long time ago indeed, I have done much good with this great evil bestowed upon me since then, but nothing will bring my parents back, it is too late for that. I did not realize that the deal I had signed was not just for my own soul, but for everyone's. One day I will find that voice. And he will pay. An eye for an eye... Blood for blood...

*P.S.: Let me know what you guys think. This is my first venture into the world of RP, and I hope not my last. Any constructive criticism, feedback or anything like that is greatly appreciated. Let me know if you all want more!*

This is more storycraft than RP and so... I'm going to provide critique that way.

From an idea, intended story perspective it's not bad for a first beginning. Your story craft could use work. Aside from minor spelling and grammar issues (a few here or there) the biggest thing I noticed is the passive voice you used throughout. If you read through the passage and look at each sentence, you'll notice that your verbs aren't very active. They usually have a modifier like have, had, would, could, were, was, ... etc. This has the effect of not showing your character in action, but sitting back even when there could be power in what you wrote. An example.

You wrote:
That was the day I had learned the most important lesson in life.
See all those verbs I mentioned.

Modified:
That day I learned the most important lesson in life.
That subtle shift moves your character from sitting around to actively learning. It's a minor distinction, but our brains accept the active voice more in the books and stories we read. It pulls us forward and engages us.

Also take a moment to describe things. It'll make your world feel more alive. For example you wrote:
I had wrought destruction.
Clean it up and then expand upon what that destruction looked like. Describe how it looked, how it smelled, if you could taste it, etc.

The destruction I wrought collapsed under the weakening strength of the soul holding it up. Buildings tumbled to the ash heaps when the skeletal frames snapped. The air grew pungent as the wind carried burning flesh to my nostrils making it hard to breathe. The smoke pressed upon my flesh like a new layer of grime wrapping around and constricting my movement...
It may not be the best description or even what you wanted the reader to visualize, but by further painting the world and the moment you can increase the likelihood that your reader sees what you intend. It breathes more life into the story by providing more world. Take a look at your favorite books and look at how long it takes them to move through a single scene. In the Dresden Files, each scene can be multiple chapters of setup, climax, resolve with each chapter being about 3000 words in length.

You have a good start. An idea that you can expand upon. Go expand.