World of Warcraft®

These are not mine, but had to share them anyway...


Three wives are sitting in the living room sipping tea and talking.
The first wife says, "My husband is a rogue and he likes to do it from behind."
The second wife giggles and says. "My husband is a Warrior with Stamina to last all night."
The third wife gets embarrassed, turns red and says,
"My husband is a mage and I HATE Polymorph."


You know you play too much WoW when your girlfriend's pants have very low drop rate.


What do noobs & rogues have in common? They both pick locks.

What do you call 13 witches in a hot tub? A self-cleaning coven.

12/04/2010 5:05 AMPosted by Nerdos

Why did the mathematician name his dog "Cauchy"?

- Because he left a residue at every pole.

That's just downright esoteric

Why do scientists disconnect their doorbells?

So they can win the Nobel Prize.

.

Why did the mathematician name his dog "Cauchy"?

- Because he left a residue at every pole.

Not only a terrible joke, but a terrible super nerdy joke. Bravo sir.

When chemists die, we barium ( For Celebrimba)

Where do the snowmen dance?
- At the snow-ball

How do you heal a sick lemon?
- Lemon-ade

Some jokes inspired by complete boredom.

#1
A skeleton is down at the bar telling his skeleton friends about how angry his wife got after he played a joke on her.
"I didn't think it was so humerus," a skeleton said.
"Ah, she needs to grow some thicker skin!" a second skeleton said.
A third one asked, "Gee, what are you doing down here at the bar? Shouldn't you be apologizing to her?"
To this, the skeleton responded, "No, she couldn't take my ribbing, she was too stern, um, and she kicked me out onto the streets!"
"What!? You let her do that to you?" The third skeleton asked, indignantly, "You should have socketed it to her!"

#2
A group of communists get into a car. For some reason, the driver is having problems starting it...

"What's the holdup? We need to get out of here!"
"Stop Russian me, the car is Stalin and none of you are Lenin me a hand!"

"If Arthas' mount's name is Invincible...why can I see him?"

12/04/2010 7:49 PMPosted by Arkeos

"If Arthas' mount's name is Invincible...why can I see him?"

Because you make dictionaries cry.

Q: What do you get when you cross a citizen of Goldshire with a Mountain King?
A: You can't cross a vector with a scalar.

Well if we're going nerdy here..

So this positive strain e. Coli walks into a bar. He sees another one sitting there so he goes over and says, "Man. I'm so thirsty i could lick the cytoplasm off an anthraxic bacillus' pilli."

The second replies "Moo."

12/04/2010 8:35 PMPosted by Vectus

Q: What do you get when you cross a citizen of Goldshire with a Mountain King?
A: You can't cross a vector with a scalar.

That. I love it.

To motivate his son in school, a man offers a reward for each quarter in which his first grader gets straight A's. And the end of the quarter the boy shows his father his report card and he is happy to see that his son got straight A's. He says "Son, you did a wonderful job the quarter, and you upheld your end of the bargain, so what would you like as your reward?" The son replies "A red golfball." The father is confused but thinks 'Oh, he's just a first grader' so he gets his son a red golfball. The next quarter grades come around and the son got straight A's again and when his father asks him what he wants, he says "Another red golfball." This scenario plays out until the son starts fifth grade. The father talks to his son and says, "Son, I am very proud of you. You've gotten straight A's for four years but now things will get harder. Now you need to get straight A's for a whole semester but your reward will be even greater." The son starts fifth grade and at the end of the first semester the son brings home he report card and shows his father straight A's. His father asked him what he wanted and he replied "Two blue golfballs," so the father gets him two blue golfballs. For each semester after that, the son continues to get straight A's and keeps asking for two blue golfballs. At the start of high school, the father pulls his son aside and says, "Son, you have done so well these past eight years, but those didn't really mean anything. Now your in high school and these next four years will be what colleges look at, so now you have to get straight A's for a whole year for an even greater reward. At the end of his first year, the son brings home his report card and shows his father the straight A's. The father is very happy and asks his son what he wants. The son replies, "Four green golfballs," so he gives his son four green golfballs. Each year the son continues to get straight A's, each time asking for four green golfballs. At graduation, the father says to his son, "Son, I am extremely proud of you. You're first in your class, valedictorian, class president, and you got a full scholarship to one of the best schools in the country. Even though you've accomplished so much, high school doesn't mean anything these days, so you need to get straight A's through all of college for you to get an even greater reward. The son goes into college and comes out four years later with straight A's. The father asks his son what he wants and his son replies, "Sixteen yellow golfballs," so he gets his son sixteen yellow golfballs. The son then goes off the medical school and his father makes the same deal with him, straight A's and an even greater reward. The finishes his medical school, internship and residency with flying colors and his father says to him, "Son, you have made so much more proud of you than I could have ever imagined. You got straight A's through all of grade school, high school, college and medical school. Please tell me, what can I get you for this last reward." The sons says, "A Porsche Boxster, filled with colored golfballs." The father is ecstatic that his son asked for something more than golf balls so he gets it for him. When he gives it to his son, he opens the door and golfballs of all colors come pouring out and eventually enough fall out so that the son can take his new car out for a drive. Later that evening, the father gets a phone call from the local hospital telling him that his son has been in an accident and is in critical condition. The father rushes to the hospital and finds his son in the ICU covered in bruises, with many broken bones, and sever organ damage; He knows his son is going to die. He says to his son, "Son, I have always been proud of you, and I love you so much, but I need to know one thing. Why did you want so many golfballs?" The son opens his mouth to talk, but begins coughing and coughs up a red golfball and dies.

Three guys are walking in the desert with there camels. The one guy says to the other we got to get these camels to a watering hole or they will die so they walk about 3 more miles and find a watering hole but the camels refuse to drank. The one guy says to the other if they don't drank they will die. Then all of a sudden he has a idea he says ill hold his head underwater you stick this straw up his butt and suck the water in. The guy says ok that might just work so then they stick the camels head under the water and the guy starts to try and suck the water in. then all of a sudden the guy in the back says can you lift his head a little all i am getting is mud.

A mob boss is on his deathbed. He asks to see his 3 sons to each ask them a question before he dies.

To the first son he asks : 2+2?
- Well, that's 3!
- Very good, my son.

To the second son, he asks : 2+2?
- well, that's 5!
- Very good, my son.

To the first son, he asks : 2+2?
- Well, that's 4!
He then picks up a gun and shoots his son. "He knew too much..."

Two hours left! Keep those stupid jokes going!

Alright, it's a little long...bear with me here. It's by no means original, but it sure as hell is the best joke ever.

Once there was a boy named Zach. Zach was born into a very poor family. They didn't have much money for new clothes or video games or internet access, so Zach had to get his entertainment by joining a club at his high school, where he was just beginning his freshman year. He'd been a rec diver in middle school, so he thought he might enjoy putting on a little muscle by joining the swim team. There were only ten or so people on the JV team so he made it easily, despite his inexperience. He came to practice after school everyday and worked out as hard as he could before going to work for his family's survival, because he believed in going all out in everything he did. He was no shining star at first, but over time, he came to be the fastest swimmer on the team. Coach did not fail to notice this, and promoted him to the varsity team (much to the dismay of the seniors onboard).

In the meantime, he wore the same gray swimsuit everyday, and he never did anything but school, swim, work, chores, sleep. His mother gave birth to a little brother in October just a month before the county tournament.

Unfortunately, they can't make it to his meet that day. He's up on the blocks and ready to go. They blow the whistle and he's off. . .swimming. . .faster and faster. . .there's only one guy keeping with him at the flip-turn. He floors it back, but oh! he gets a cramp at the last moment. Nonetheless, he snags second place and a new Personal Record.

After the race, Coach comes up behind him and wraps his towel around him and slaps him on the shoulder.

"You made second! You know what this means don't you! You're going to state!"

"Wow! Really?" he replies.

"Yes, but there's one thing. You need to bring $50 by the first day of December to pay for registration."

"Oh, I don't know about that, Coach," he says, questioningly, eyes downcast, "we aren't exactly the richest folk in the world."

"Oh, come on man, it's just $50. I'm sure your dad will give it to you if you ask really nicely. And if you can't come up with it all, I'll give you a few bucks just to get to see you swim like that again!"

"Oh, thanks Coach. I'll ask him."

So he goes home to his dad, who just happens to be in his chair making calls.

"Dad, guess what!" he begins.

"What, son?"

"I made second place in the county meet!"

"That's great! I wish I could swim like that! I guess that means you get to go to state?"

"It sure does. . . ," and he sighs, "but I need fifty dollars for registration. . ."

"Oh, no worries, son, we want to see you succeed. I'm sure we can sc##%# it together. . . ."

". . .by next week."

"Well, there are going to be hardships, but we can do it."

So they cut back on food, stopped going to the movies, and had a small yard sale, and within the week they had fifty dollars. Zach went in to see Coach with the money.

"Well, Coach, we had to go through so many hardships last week, skipping lunches and working overtime, but I got the fifty dollars. We're going to state!"

Of course, the baby got a rare early case of colic and once again the family could not attend the meet. He rode in Coach's car to the state capital, receiving a pep talk the whole way.