World of Warcraft®

YO! Lissen Up!

It has come to ours attentions that those geezers over in da AAMS is impugninatin our professional abilities and our tried an' true Gobbo Work Ethic & Energy (Henceforth referred to as "GWEE!"). To which we's here at payload Inc. sez this…

Who makes dem Zeps what you'se AAMS chumps delivers stuff on?

Gobs.

Who designed deem fancy schmancy Motorcycles alla youse hordes rides on?

Gobs.

Who perfected the "E.P.S. transfer*" protocol?

Dat's RIGHT hotpants, Us Gobs, that's who!

You wanna talk about long service? How about the when the Legion attacked the foist time huh? How about moving troops, messages, and supplies during the Great War**?

That's right, youse wanna be callin us out, you lily-liveried weasels, read your fraggin history first!

An' ta celebrate our long service to da Horde, and to Azeroth as a whole, we's here at Payload Inc. is prepared to offer youse a special bonus deal***.

Youse finds me, Albus KinkieSnax, and I'll POISONALLY**** deliver anything you want, anywhere youse wants, to anyONE***** youse wants,and only charge youse HALF of what da AAMS charges. Dat's right, you heard me. HALF. AND NO FUNNY STUFF FROM YOUSE AMMS CHUMPS NEITHER. I got's my sources, I seen your rates tables.

So bring it on Azeroth. let's see who's really got da chops. Us Gobs, facilitation specialists since da dawn of time******, or those creaky old tunnelmaggots at da AAMS.

With Respect Yo…
Albus Kinkiesnax
(The Hot Bun Lover of Kezan)

* E.P.S. Protocol - Explosive Parcel System. Azeroth's first High Velocity Mail delivery system, still in use today!

** - Payload Inc. makes no claims of corporate participation in The Great War, nor of specific activities committed during said war. Reference is cited for species affiliation only.

*** - Special Bonus Deal is not a trademarked offer from Payload Inc. management, and is offered purely as a incentivization opportunity by A. Kinkiesnax. No corporate garauntee is specified or promised with this special offer.

**** - "POISONALLY" does in fact imply poison, If non-poisonous delivery is required, please specify at time of parcel registration.

***** - Payload Inc, in the person of A. Kinkiesnax reserves the right to deliver Alliance packages via use of the E.P.S. protocol.

****** - "Dawn of Time" is defined as "the beginning of recorded time, as marked from 00:00:00 P.K.D. (Post Kezan Destruction, and thank you VERY much for bringing up such a terrible memory. No, really, I don't wake up sweating and shaking at night reliving it. Jerks….)

Deliveries at half the AAMS rate?! Interesting. Interesting indeed.

<Pulls out some sheets of papers and studies them, making a few notes and calculations>

It would appear that the economical thing to do would be to take all current contracted, scheduled and regularly reoccurring AAMS deliveries and funnel them through a non-AAMS affiliated third party vendor to hire Payload, Inc. at their greatly reduced rates to complete said deliveries.

In doing so, it will increased the DPM, delivery profit margin, on those orders by approximately 92%, while both simultaneously keeping Payload, Inc. to busy to attract new customers and unknowing contributing to the AAMS coffers; while freeing up our own couriers to solicit additional business opportunities, thus increasing the AAMS's overall per capita market share.

At this rate, and with a little bit of help, Payload, Inc. will drive themselves out of the market! I shall run these numbers passed the AAMS CEO, Sul'fon, and get his thoughts on this so called "Special Offer"....

I freaking DARE you sassyhooves. If I may quote your company's own policies.

- Immediate Wages. Jobs are paid by the sender up front, and typically tipped by the recipient as well. The cash goes straight into your pocket! Team jobs are split, and large projects like event translation are paid up front by the Corporate Office.

The end result, according to youse own policies, will be that the entirety of the job fee will go directly to Payload Inc. coffers, with a generous 50% refund to teh clinet. And you gets, lemme see here, carry da one, adjust fer inflation, subtract convenience, license, and border tariffs, and..oh, yeah, dat's right, NUTHIN. You gits NUTHIN!

You spacegoats do business the same way you fly starships. LOUSY.

p.s. I ain't even gonna say nuthin about the sheer brilliance of making it known you've passed the entirety of yer business over to ta the competition, on account of their superior bottom line, technical abilities, leveragement of core efficiencies, and all around "can do" attitude. So yeah, you go right ahead and move forward with this little action item there honeypants. We here at Payload Inc. is ALL FOR IT.

<Studies the material, shakes her head>

It would appear to me that you have once again failed in your market research.

You see, the AAMS is more than just the one time, paid up front contracts, that you are referring too. As I originally pointed out, the AAMS has entire volumes of guaranteed and reoccurring deliveries for a wide range of large corporate customers that go well beyond one time, private, delivery contracts.

These contracts are bought and paid for, as well as guaranteed to be reoccurring on a scheduled basis. The AAMS could easily funnel these to Payload, Inc. for a rate greatly reduced rate it what the the AAMS contract is paying.

Lets put in a frame you can understand, eh?

McFlinty Textiles needs five deliveries of silk into Stormwind a week. With me so far? They pay, lets say, five diamonds to the AAMS to make these deliveries. The AAMS can turn around and take advantage of Payload's "half da AAMS rate" and get you to do it for what amounts to five mossy rocks. The AAMS still gets to keep their five diamonds because their original contract with McFlinty is filled. Meanwhile, while Payload is busting their bones to make five mossy rocks, the AAMS couriers who would normally be making those deliveries can fill contracts for a further five diamonds.

The AAMS is now making ten diamonds instead of five, at the expense of paying Payload five mossy rocks.

It would appear you Goblins do your market research the same as you.. well, whatever it is you Goblins call it. All talk and a lot of fizzle.

PS, not going to guarantee it will happen, just pointing out that your attempt to undercut the AAMS will easily backfire and push yourself out of the market with little or no effort. Do you think you're the only ones to challenge the AAMS at our own game?

If I may -- there is no cause for disagreement. Our goal as an organization remains, as always, the overall increase of communications and understanding between the factions. The AAMS welcomes and encourages courier start-ups. We may in fact be positioned to offer short-term loans or the use of some non-secured facilities, or our officers could certainly provide training and consultation free of charge.

The AAMS will of course continue to offer the same services as always, with our customary dedication to reliability and discretion. We have not made an official evaluation of Payload, Inc. or any other service as a courier at this time, and cannot issue formal recommendations of any sort.

No statement issued by the AAMS is meant to reflect on the activities or characteristics of any goblins, specific or as a group. The AAMS remains an equal-opportunity employer from both factions. All parties seeking neutral employment are welcome and encouraged to apply to the AAMS.

-Andelia Windtouched
Communications Officer
Anytime & Anywhere Messaging Service, Horde Branch

Abominus was handed the latest gobbo-thing/AAMS rants, with counter proposals and various business type threats. Only one thing, however, stood out to the Maggot Lord.

"They have tunnel maggotsss, yesss? We mussst take them from the gobbo-thingsss and breed them, yesss."

Abominus packed his gear, and skittered out the door of the Grim Maw Guild hall. The gate guard rang the usual warning bell required by Orgrimmar to be used whenever he left the premises, it's sonorous notes belling out towards suddenly alert guards and citizenry.

"Thessse maggotsss will be oursss, if we have to eat ever ear we come acrossssss until they tell usss where they are, yesss...."

01/12/2011 4:50 PMPosted by Vasilia

McFlinty Textiles needs five deliveries of silk into Stormwind a week.

Aye!

As long as aye git th' silk ayes ordered d'en aye din't care woo th' AAMS sub c'ntracts it oot to. De've alwa's meet th' dea'lines 'n' may'de th' d'liveries un-time 'n' un boodget.

Can't s'ee tha a ch'nge'n, 'n' nei'er will aye be a sw'tch'n.

Yak yak yak yak YAK.

Baby Blue. Y'talk like I'm listenin'. Or like I'd let m'people deliver y'cack for you.
Now, if you'd like to talk about economic positions and eh-oh, you'n me can get t'gether some time an' y'can show me y'great, big...numbers.
Mwah.
Marvelous.