World of Warcraft®

Vasilia sat at her desk, reading the note attached to the familiar folder that had made its way back to her corner of the office. It had clearly come from the Horde AAMS office, again, but the contents of the note seemed to puzzle her.

"Verogoth, can you come and read this note for me?" she asked, across the room.

"Certainly Ma'am" Verogoth replied, without questioning the request.

After giving him a moment to read, and re-read the note, she finally asked, "Does it say what I think it says?"

"I certainly think so, Ma'am," he replied.

"Alright, notify Ms. Aeldgyth and have the twins take a copy to the legal department. I will see if Ms. Sprinket is available this evening."

A few hours later Vasilia walked into the Feathers of Iron Tavern, two sheep in tow tethered on a strong leather rope. Sprinket happily met her at the door, bouncing full of excitement as she showed Vasilia, and the sheep, to he table where Aeldgyth waited.

Vasilia tied the sheep to the table leg and produced a copy of the Horde branch note, along with a letter to Aeldgyth from the Legal Department.

Aeldgyth read the note first:

To: AAMS Alliance Office
From: AAMS Horde Office
RE: Vloth's delivery

Horde AAMS couriers have tried diligently over the last few weeks to track down Mr. Vloth and complete this delivery. Unfortunately, Mr. Vloth has done a great job in evading our couriers or, when cornered, simply refuses to sign for them.

During our latest attempt to deliver the last two sheep, Mr. Vloth stated, and I quote "Deliver those damn sheep to my severed hand, I am sure it would be more than happy to sign for them."

Nyzii
Courier - AAMS Horde Branch, Orgrimmar Office.

Nodding, Aeldgyth looked over the second letter from the Legal Department as Vasilia and Sprinket looked on. Smiling as she finished, Aeldgyth summed up the contents of the letter,

"It would appear that the legal department has concluded that Mr. Vloth, by deferring the order to his severed hand is both admitting that the hand in question is his, and that he still takes responsibility over its actions by claiming it will sign for his delivery."

Sprinket vibrated with excitement as Vasilia listened to what else Aeldgyth had to say.

"Further more, by already accepting the 98 sheep in the first shipment, the legal department agrees that Vloth has technically accepted the Dowery, in principle, thus confirming that he and Ms. Sprinklesproket are now engaged. As such, Sprinket is legally allowed to act for Vloth in his absence."

Sprinket nearly exploded, as gnomes often do, with excitement, bouncing around the room.

"Sprinket, if you will? We should finish up before celebrating." pointed out Aeldgyth, trying to calm to happy gnome down.

"Oh yes, of course!" happily replied Sprinket, as she pulled a velvet red pouch from her pocket. Gently unwrapping it, she pulled out her treasured hand. A musky smell instantly filled the room, almost overpowering both Vasilia and Aeldgyth.

Pulling an AAMS clipboard from her satchel, Vasilia handed it to Aeldgyth to check it over, who placed it on the table in front of Sprinket.

Delicately, Sprinket took Vloth's severed hand and placed it in her own, wrapping its boned fingers around the quill pen. Elegantly, she "assisted" Vloth's hand in signing the invoice.

After taking a moment to admire the signature, Sprinket then carefully wrapped up the hand as Vasiia and Aeldgyth took turns reviewing the paperwork and signing as witnesses to the joyous event.

"These are yours, and congratulations Sprinket," said Aeldgyth as she handed over the reins to the last remaining sheep.

Sprinket paraded around the tavern, sheep in tow, buying drinks and handing out cupcakes. Amongst the celebration, Aeldgyth turned to Vasilia, "Please see that a copy of this invoice is sent to the AAMS Horde office, and that Vloth also receives a copy of it for his records to show that we have acted as he instructed."

"YES MA'AM" Replied Vasilia, eager to finally mark this file as closed.

The next morning, the AAMS Horde Office received a copy of the invoice, along with one for Vloth.

-----------------------------------------
AAMS Reciept No. 5549
Package 2 of 2
Contents: 2 sheep
Delivery date: Mar 29
Signed for by:
Mr handsome wonderful Vloth, said forsaken engaged to Sprinket Sprinklesprocket forever and ever, never to eat.
Witnessed by:
Vasilia Starfallen
Aeldgyth Whistlespark
-----------------------------------------

"Great, who is going to draw the short straw to deliver this to Vloth?" said Nyzii, reading over the newly attached memo that accompanied the file on its return from the Alliance office.

I hope this means there will be a wedding this spring. I LOVE weddings!

Gentyl watched Vasilia come into the inn with two sheep in tow. That was something you didn't see every day.

Temperius sat at the table across from her filling out some paperwork when Mariiky asked her if she'd like something to drink.

"Oh, no thanks. I think I had enough last night. Perhaps just coffee."

Temperius raised an eyebrow. "You got drunk and I wasn't around?"

"I'm not sure drunk was the word for it. I drank enough to mention Imperon looked good in the evening light."

"You were drunk."

She thought about it for a moment. "Probably."

They both looked around when an overwhelming musty smell filled the inn. Spricket carefully unwrapped Vloth's hand and placed the fingers carefully around the pen, then signed the AAMS receipt with it.

Well, that was one way to get him to sign for the last two sheep.

((If I may quote Marvin the Martian, "Where's the kaboom? There was supposed to be an earth-shattering kaboom!" I mean.... those two signed-for sheep ARE Exploding sheep after all. It's just not fair!! hmmph!))

((She's a gnome. She could disable them. Gnomes do things like that, you know.

And from what I understand of Spricket, blind luck could have something to do with it.))

((Or they could still be ticking away slowly! Gentyl bought 'em in bulk, after all. Going to be some defectives in there...

Heck, if a couple AAMS-delivered sheep blow up in Spricket's care, maybe the Alliance can get in on the witch hunt. I don't think we've ever been entirely mistrusted by both factions simultaneously before, despite roundly deserving it from time to time.))

Brenri walked into the inn pushing a wheelbarrow with two kegs in it, and leading a sheep on a leash behind her that was seemingly soaked in some ale type substance.

"Ehlina would'nae let us have any of the stuff, so I heard y'were a lass who fancies a good drink from time t'time. Imperon told me so! I also found this sheep outside, and it looked a tad drunk so I figured it was probably lost and led it back here into the inn."

Brenri saw nothing but confused looks on the few faces around her.

"Well, that is how they do things in Anvilmar these days!"

((Hey, I do not make defective sheep! Do you know how many knickers I had to nip off those prisoners to gather all that wool?))

The Grim Maw Clan was busy these days. New construction was being added to the defenses in their Orgrimmar compound. The main walls reached to the tips of the valley walls, while murder holes were dug into the very stone itself. A newly automated onager was placed on each pa!!%@t, aiming down into the valley. Garrosh himself had come out to witness the construction, and after a brief period of shaking, he nodded to no one in particular and returned to his rooms, muttering something about " Maggot cavalry battalions and pink bunny slippers for my feet..."

Souleater had arranged for a series of macabre crystals to be installed in the walls, and guards were posted under them with orders to let no one near. The guild druids were engaged in something insidious with the fauna and flora around the moat. Inside, the metallic sounds of forges at work resounded down the valley and out into the city. They were even cleaning out the maggot traps.

Deep, deep inside, in a special chamber, well past the ale sotrage facilities, the Grim's held Vloth in safe keeping. He was being subjected to every test they could devise, or imagine, and some that weren't even real. Vloth's Hand will be theirs!

Gentyl was sitting by her favorite tree sharing cherry grog with Traveler when she heard the familiar voice coming from a bush.

"Don't turn around."

She was far too comfortable to turn around, even if she wanted to. Beside her Traveler had his head buried to the bottom of the keg exhaling into it so it bubbled like not so fine champagne. She dipped a cup out and wiped off the bottom of the cup on the grass. "Do you have any news for me?"

There was a hesitation. "Is your horse depressed?"

Gentyl glanced over at the old warhorse. He had a brand new keg of grog. How could he be depressed? "I don't think so. Why do you ask?

"He looks like he's trying to drown himself in that keg."

She raised an eyebrow. "No, he just likes blowing bubbles in grog."

There was another hesitation, this one a little longer. "I do have some news."

"Good or bad?'

"Does it really matter?" the man asked.

That was a good question. "Not really."

"The Grims are building a fortress I doubt anyone can penetrate either physically or magically? Vloth is being held in the deepest recesses of the new fortress."

"No one can reach him?"

"I doubt it."

"Not every with magic?"

"Not according to my informant."

Traveler stopped blowing bubbles in the grog and lifted his head. He looked supremely happy...and drunk.

Gentyl thought about this new information. Having the horde calling a boycott on the AAMS had made things hard enough to get this wedding going. This was going to make it even more difficult, but she was impressed with the Grims engineering feat. Maybe she could hire them to build Pia a new fortress that was Imperon proof.

She pushed herself to her feet. "Let me pay you."

"I already helped myself," said the rogue. "At your age, you should have a lot more gold."

Gentyl shrugged. "I have projects to finance. Right now, I need to find Vasilia and see if she can send a message to the Grims. I wonder how much they will charge me to build a new keep."

"More than you have," said the voice.

"They should do it for free seeing as I am the one ensuring one of their own finds true love."

Hmm... Slagg or Ugat...who would be the first to betray me...? Wow.. that is a hard one.

*nods sagely*

The pirate party had been a huge success, at least as far as Gentyl was concerned. They'd hijacked the zep in mid-flight and taken control

Yarrr!

Gentyl loaded the remaining parrots on Traveler, tied down another keg of grog and rode out to her favorite tree. She probably should have changed clothes, but it was secluded here and no one would be around to complain about her dressing like a pirate.

What to do with sixteen parrots. Too bad they couldn't sing, they could sing a Spricket's wedding.

And that's when another brilliant idea hit her. She'd train the parrots to sing a variety of wedding songs and Vloth could pick out which songs he liked best.

She was nearly to the bottom of the keg when she got to the last song.

"Ding dong! the bellsh are gonna chime...
Hail and shalute me Then haul off and boot me...
And get me to the church, Get me to the church... hic
For Light'sh shake, get me to the church on time!"

It would have been a bit better if the parrots hadn't picked up the slurs and hiccups, but wasn't that a perfect song for Vloth. Get him to the church on time indeed.

Now, if she could just find that old enchanter. Put a non-edible, non-killable enchant on the birds and ship them off.

Parrots lived a long time, thankfully. This wedding was taking a bit longer than she had planned.

*Cup ambles into the tavern, looking for Spricket*

"Spricket! SPRIIIICKET!" She looks behind the bar. There!- No...no that is a bag of onions. "Hellooooo! Anybody in?" Cup searches the pickle barrel and under the rug. No Spricket! No anybody! No wonder! It's after midnight....they are probably asleep. Maybe she should quit yelling? At least at the top of her lungs. No one ever yells at the middle and it can be quite effective.

Cup stubs her toes, curses, looks around to see if anyone heard her swearing, blushes, sees no one, sighs, and lights a candle. She rummages in a hip pouch for a moment, and removes a scroll case. She opens the scroll case, takes out the scroll, unrolls it, drags a stool over for a boost, and tacks it to the notice board.

"Now then....what was I going to do after this? OH right, those penguins. I hope that hardware store is still open!" Cup rushes from the bar, her passing rustling the papers attached to the board, the long, long scroll sweeping the floor, almost....

((If one were to read the scroll Cup has tacked to the notice board, it would read thusly:))


Hey Spricket! Here's a rough draft of the menu. The wedding menu! I've perused books on cooking, food-based choices in socioeconomic settings and cultures, and traditional native fares. I've put together what I hope are sensible suggestions for a Horde-and-Alliance-friendly buffet-style feast where sampling of new and exotic dishes is encouraged. Let me know what to hammer out!


Forsaken Guys: Sweetbreads Pies, Brain Tacos
Blood Elfies: Escargot, Caviar, some Game Hens
Orcs: A whole roasted boar, or five, not sure. Cactus salad.
Trolls: Just a huge pot of that Crocolisk Gumbo and another one with that good
rice
Tauren: Spice Bread Pudding, 3 Bean Salad, bale of hay?
Goblins: Dragonbreath Chili and Durian Milkshakes


Humans: Grilled Salmon, Wild Rice Pilaf
Dwarves: Racks of Lamb with that mint jelly. And ale, FOOD ale, I have the drink stuff
on another list
Draenei: Warp-Stalker fajitas with Mango Salsa
Night Elfies: Cabbage Kim-chi, Eggplant Stir-Fry
Gilneans: Steak Tartare, Tuna Sashimi
Gnomes PIZZA duh!

Of course there will be various standard side-dishes like smooshed tatoes and fried tatoes and tato salad and cheese macaroonies for picky eaters and pies and cakes and dessert thingies too and we hammered out a gold plate for your cuppycakes. Oh and a barrel of pretzels.



-Cup

We Forsssaken are partial to Gnome cutletsss, or Gnome Ssshortribsss, yesss.

Cray gazed at Cup's notice. It wasn't intended for him, but it was posted in a public place.

After a moment, he frowned and reached for a thin pencil tied to the board. To the bottom of the notice, near the floor, he scrawled, "And ice cream. There must be ice cream!" He paused, then scratched one more word: "Please?"

He nodded, satisfied, and strode out of the tavern.

The Maggot Lord coughed wetly, the boughts of weakness he was suffering due to the maggot detonations going on inside him continuing, albeit slowly due to the healing he recieved from da Doctas Maluji and Llejna. He stood in his labs in the grim Maw clan compound, observing with interest the sheep he had been given by Andelia of the AAMS to deliver to Vloth, who was hiding in seclusion over a gnomette's infatuation.

"How well we underssstand infatuation, yesss," the Maggot Lord thought, watching a sheep wriggle frantically in the grip of a winch, being slowly lowered into a large caudron filled with seething maggots. it shrieked briefly as it vanished under the heaving mass, a final sound that soothed Abominus' frazzled nerves. There was a brief crumping sound, and the cauldon rang like a bell, with a small eruption of maggot flesh heaving up and out of the cauldron, spattering the ground around it with ichor.

"Thessse will do nicely, yesss...," Abominus said. "Now, we hope that the Ssspricket-creature receivesss our gift, yesss."

A small team of heavily garbed recruits entered the labs bearing mops, leaving Abominus to his thoughts and maggotry.

TO: Gentyl D'Amond, Pia Presidium
FROM: Aeldgyth Whistlespark, AAMS

Respectfully,

I am pleased to report (unrelated to our other business) that the final percentage of Spricket's dowry is being delivered to Vloth by a Special Courier Appointee, fully licensed, with unique access to his whereabouts.

Combined with receipts in our possession, signed in Vloth's own hand, for the same quantity of sheep, we feel confident in assuring you that he is, by any legal standard, engaged to Miss Spricket Spinklesprocket. The AAMS extends its hearty congratulations, and will be happy to assist in any wedding-related deliveries you may require!

There is also a gift in our care for Miss Sprinklesprocket from the Maggot Lord, in honor of her impending nuptials. We have it sealed in our usual Abominus Clause hermetic shipping containers.

Yours in Service,

Aeldgyth Whistlespark
Branch Manager, AAMS Alliance

Gentyl opened the mailbox and sorted through the usual bills, notices, death threats...hmm, this one was interesting.

You just think you're so hot. I know you think you have a "do not mess with me" sign on you, but people hate you. Go die in a fire.


Gentyl looked around for her "do not mess with me" sign. It had been replaced with a "kick me" sign.

She sighed. "So rude."

Ah, a letter from Aeldgyth. Good. Now that the war with the Grims was over they could proceed with the wedding.